Introverts and their Learning Behavior

"A small breakfast-room adjoined the drawing-room, I slipped in there. It contained a bookcase: I soon possessed myself of a volume, taking care that it should be one stored with pictures. I mounted into the window-seat: gathering up my feet, I sat cross-legged, like a Turk; and, having drawn the red moreen curtain nearly close, I was shrined in double retirement.Folds of scarlet drapery shut in my view to the right hand; to the left were the clear panes of glass, protecting, but not separating me from the drear November day. At intervals, while turning over the leaves of my book, I studied the aspect of that winter afternoon. .. with (the book) on my knee, I was then happy: happy at least in my way. I feared nothing but interruption, and that came too soon. The breakfast-room door opened."

The quote above from Jane Eyre eloquently describes the interior life of an introverted child. ... the richness of creativity and the necessity of times for solitude, especially in unfriendly surroundings.

Gordon Neufeld talks about emergent, adaptive and integrative facets in the learning process of children. Simply put, emergent behavior is the kind that drives kids to master their enviroment, that loves to explore and self-challenge. Adaptive behavior helps the child learn from mistakes and adapt future behavior. Integrative behavior helps the child experience inner conflict and strive to make sense of it and act with self-control.

I would guess from my own limited sample of 7 children (and 2 parents) that most children are stronger in one of these areas than another. In the adaptive area, I'd guess that introverted children are often too much affected by mistakes and correction, to the point where they can't learn from them very well. Their emergent behavior is channelled into narrow, deep areas of focus rather than a broad superficial spectrum, so they don't have a strong motivation to overcome their fear of making mistakes and failing. Their integrative challenge may simply be letting conflict in and admitting it is there. They can generally act with self-control because of their strong interior selves and their disinclination to challenge the exterior environment unless it directly conflicts with their principles and their understanding of how the world is set up.

Introverted people tend to choose a few areas of interest or skills and REALLY focus in depth. Once they have an entry point into the subject and the motivation to pursue it, the main challenge is to pull them away from it.

Neufeld mentions one more "learning" behavior. Attached behavior is the baby duck kind; it's relationship-based. You can always learn a lot more from someone you like and respect and want to imitate than from someone who is irrelevant or despised. It is both the most fundamental form of learning behavior, and the "lowest" in that the learning takes place not for the sake of learning so much as for the sake of connection with the other person. A toddler will do what he sees his family do. A peer-attached child will imitate his peers and their behavior and outlook.

Introverted people, from my limited sample, forge relationships that are deep, loyal, enduring AND at the same time rather undemonstrative and lowkey on the surface. If they are attached to their parents and siblings, they will tend to love the things that these relatives love. But a new teacher will have to "earn" their loyalty and teachability and it's harder for them to accept new people into their intimacy circle. Introverts are often at least as warm-hearted and emotional as extroverts, but their caution and restraint can make them look cold and passive and even unlikeable to people who don't know them very well. Again, Jane Eyre:

I know that had I been a sanguine, brilliant, careless, exacting, handsome, romping child -- though equally dependent and friendless -- Mrs. Reed would have endured my presence more complacently; her children would have entertained for me more of the cordiality of fellow-feeling; the servants would have been less prone to make me the scapegoat of the nursery.

This, and indeed the whole first chapter of the book, is a classic example of the introvert who is misunderstood by the extroverts around her.

It is probably useful for introverts to learn some extroverting "skills" in order to make their passage through life easier both for themselves and for those around them. As my children get older, they are more able to listen to and learn from people that they don't know very well, but they still seem to need to have a basic sympathy and attunement to the new teacher or comrade.

A related trait is that introverts are capable of externally "toeing the line" and acting compliant while preserving their internal resistance and independence of mind. For this reason, the secret heart and spirit of the introvert is very important. Their outward behavior doesn't always echo what's going on inside. On the other hand, given loyalty or internal motivation, they will make great sacrifices and spare no effort. It is both challenging and rewarding to positively encounter the heart and mind and spirit of an introverted child.

I think introverts have some defenses against excessive peer attachment leading to extreme "acting out" misbehavior, because they don't enjoy "herds" and their outlook on life is internally directed. But on the other hand, introverts are often vulnerable to their peers' view of them because they are sensitive to the feeling of being "different" and because introverts are generally easily discouraged. They are idealistic, and injustice hurts and offends them deeply..... which leads to anger turned either on themselves or on others. You often hear stories of the "nerd" or "misfit" in school who goes on to succeed in life, but is deeply affected emotionally by rejection and misunderstanding in his school years. Nowadays, there seems to be as many stories of introverted "victims", mostly all males, who end up in an extreme, destructive mode.

Also, as I was discussing with my teenagers the other day, the typical school is set up for extroverts. Changing subjects every 45 minutes; crowds of people coming and going; even bright and colorful posters and display centers: all these are over-stimulating, distracting and energy-draining for many introverts. I still get dizzy and overwhelmed by a school cafeteria even though I am a 17-year veteran of the school system.

In the homeschool, introverts seem to need a balance of some extrinsic challenges and expectations (to keep them from living in TOO internal and withdrawn a mode) along with plenty of down-time and time to pursue independent interests in depth.

Exhorting and Freedom

I was thinking more about the question of exhorting. A book I am reading, called Montessori Read and Write, makes the point that freedom of choice, where one of the choices is an unknown, is not really choice.

That makes me think of my kids. Given the choice between 1: A great, wonderful, experience that's unfamiliar to their experience and 2: a rather boring but familiar and safe experience, many of them would tend to choose #2. This is even true with unquestionably fun things like going to Disneyland or swimming in the lake, so it's even more true with things like algebra and learning to play an instrument, things that are immensely rewarding but not immediately accessible.

This is a common trait in introversion. Introversion is not shyness, though it can be associated with it. The temperament has its strengths, but just as I would want my bouncy extrovert, Raphael, to learn to use his judgment before jumping into new situations and his social skills to talk appropriately with strangers, in the same way I want my introverts to learn to have a willingness to try new things. Part of maturity is learning to modify and manage one's temperamental traits and turn them to positives.

Plus, part of education is freedom. In the initial situation, the perceived choice for my introverted children is, 1, something secure and known and satisfactory and 2, something new, possibly valuable but very likely to involve error and humiliation. Not much to choose there for someone who does not enjoy novelty for its own sake. So to make the choice more realistic for them, there MAY, I think, be a need to provide them habituation in the second alternative, so that they can REALLY choose.

Can you forestall freedom in order to facilitate freedom? Obviously we do, all the time. Families unavoidably are set up that way and so is a society. Chesterton points out that every choice unavoidably involves a limitation. If you choose the left fork of the road, you forego the possibility of taking the right (unless you backtrack, of course, which CS Lewis notes IS progress if the left fork was taking you away from your intended destination). I think most people would intend most restrictions to be for the sake of a deeper freedom.

That's a side point right now. I wanted to get back to habituation. It means that with familiarity, the stimulus stops having such a strong effect. The first time my kids encounter something new, their reaction is often aversion, especially if the new thing challenges them personally in some way. So getting them past the novelty aversion is step one.

But preparation is perhaps a better word in the context of education. The Montessori book I mentioned above traces reading and writing activity all the way back to toddler-hood. Pouring water, looking at picture books, and many other things lay the foundation for skills that will be employed in formal literacy. Knowing this, a mom can find many ways to informally, engagingly lead the child to discover and explore and thus build an excellent base for the actual formal teaching.

This seems to apply to other areas of learning, too.

I would guess that exhortation works best when it's part of the final stage of the preparation. .... when the learner is already invested in the process and has many of the tools in place, and just needs an outward reminder of his basic competence. Also, attachment to and respect for the exhorter would make a difference, too.

...and an interesting factoid

"In 1860, one-third of the 300 high schools in the country were located in Massachusetts, where the school year was twelve weeks long, and only six of those weeks were consecutive. Even by 1890, the school year was only twelve to twenty weeks. "

Steven Kellmeyer
hat tip: Spunky's Homeschool April 2005
Related Reading:
Underground History of American Education

CS Lewis Quote

We must not be troubled by unbelievers when they say that this promise of reward makes the Christian life a mercenary affair. There are different kinds of rewards. There is the reward which has no natural connection with the things you do to earn it and is quite foreign to the desires that ought to accompany those things. Money is not the natural reward of love; that is why we call a man mercenary if he marries a woman for the sake of her money. But marriage is the proper reward for a real love, and he is not mercenary for desiring it. A general who fights well in order to get a peerage is mercenary; a general who fights for victory is not, victory being the proper reward of battle as marriage is the proper reward of love. The proper rewards are not simply tacked on to the activity for which they are given, but are the activity itself in consummation. There is also a third case, which is more complicated. An enjoyment of Greek poetry is certainly a proper, and not a mercenary, reward for learning Greek; but only those who have reached the stage of enjoying Greek poetry can tell from their own experience that this is so. The schoolboy beginning Greek grammar cannot look forward to his adult enjoyment of Sophocles as a lover looks forward to marriage or a general to victory. He has to begin by working for marks, or to escape punishment, or to please his parents, or, at best, in the hope of a future good which he cannot at present imagine or desire. His position, therefore, bears a certain resemblance to that of the mercenary; the reward he is going to get will, in actual fact, be a natural or proper reward, but he will not know that till he has got it. Of course, he gets it gradually; enjoyment creeps in upon the mere drudgery, and nobody could point to a day or an hour when the one ceased and the other began. But it is just insofar as he approaches the reward that he becomes able to desire it for its own sake; indeed, the power of so desiring it is itself a preliminary reward.

Classical Balancing

I'm essentially a "classical" homeschooler. That hasn't changed. Yet, this blog is about unschooling. Is there a contradiction there? That's a big question, something I've been thinking about quite a bit.

First of all, I believe the methods are largely determined by the goal. My goal is for my kids to reach heaven. That rules out any educational method that fosters self-will or its manifestations, like pride and sloth. I don't want my kids to receive a great academic education and use that as an excuse to pat themselves on the back and look down on anyone else. I don't want my kids to be driven and perfectionistic. I don't want them to be arrogant. Neither do I want them to be impulsive, to follow the appetite of the moment, to be sterilely curious and intellectual thrill-seekers.

What I do want:

• I want them to love God and progress in virtue.
• I want them to set high standards for themselves but be patient and meticulous about how they reach those standards.
• I want them to be motivated to learn, not jaded and uninterested by anything that seems that it could be difficult.
• I want them to have an ability and desire to continue to learn and grow and improve.

In pursuit of these goals I've gone on some false starts and reached some dead ends. But it's always been in the service of these things.

This summer I read "Homeschooling with Gentleness" which is a brief read but makes a case for a Catholic approach to unschooling. -- personalistic, family-ordered, with the final goal being a good education. I had been growing concerned about some trends I was noticing in our homeschool. I felt I was putting my role as Mom on the back burner. I was not discipling so much as administering. I had little energy to spare for listening to the kids or following their interests or encouraging them to expand their horizons. We weren't talking much, and I was always in a hurry.

Plus, I realized I had three teenagers who could do standard household chores pretty well but weren't learning as many "deeper" life skills as I had wanted them to, because things like that take some quality time and I felt like I always had to be on to the next thing.

So those are the things I am looking towards unschooling for:

• Pursuing personal interests, making discoveries.
• A mentoring relationship with my kids.
• Some joy and time to just sit and watch or listen.
• Some real-world, not-specifically-academic experience.
• Self-direction, self-understanding
  
• A voluntary choice of the better over the worse, with learning and everything
  

I think lots of people can have it both ways -- structured lessons AND motivated kids AND lots of time left for mentoring and enthuasiasm -- but I seem to balance by going to one side then the other. These days I'm on the "informal-learning" side of the balance. .... thus, unschooling. If I can find a way to make it work with my goals permanently, I'll stay there. Right now I'm using, I guess, the "tools" of unschooling while the "goals" and even psychology is quite classical.

Can Unschoolers Exhort? : )

And does it work? Nice post at Living Without School

A couple of years back, I noticed that my kids had not been doing much writing. Now I was running a quite structured homeschool at the time, but in this case I didn't want to introduce "formal" writing. My older kids had written creatively in the past, and I knew they had enjoyed it and that it had added meaning to their lives. I wanted that again for them; we had gotten away from it as a family because of lots of life events. I didn't care so much about correctness or standard 5 paragraphs, or any of that; those things were not first priority for me then (correctness is important, but it's not of foundational importance).

So I started "requiring" 20 minutes of free writing daily. Requiring is a tricky word (like exhorting!!). I didn't threaten them or manipulate them or use heavy pressure. I guess I used a little mom leverage. Most of us have some mom or dad leverage built up. I try not to overuse it. I use it when I think it's important, and they know that.

So we sat down, with a few half-hearted complaints and a few expressions of cautious enthusiasm, depending on the temperament of the individual child. It was part of the deal that I would sit down and write too. I had better things to do with my time, you know how it is. But if they were going to put off their "better things" for the sake of what I thought was important, I thought I'd better model its importance.

The baby sat in the highchair with crayons. The pre-readers were allowed to draw. But everyone had to be there, and I set the timer.

At first everyone said they didn't have anything to write, and admittedly, I was a bit challenged myself. It was interesting how difficult it was for us all to sit there facing that notebook. After a while it got so we all were able to at least write SOMETHING, and sometimes, someone wanted to keep writing or drawing after the 20 minutes were up. After a few months we stopped, basically because I had a baby and it was a full-time job relactating for the baby, taking the baby to medical follow-ups, and caring for the older baby in the hospital (that's all part of another story).

But guess what? One teenager (the most reluctant writer) went on to write a 600 page novel. Another of those teenagers has written many stories, songs, and published some articles in a newsletter. Another one writes stories and poems in Latin and Greek. The reluctant one who now writes reams gives credit to the free-writing experiment for jumpstarting him.

So I think a boost sometimes can be part of unschooling. You look at the kid, your relationship with him or her, and perhaps at the "next step" of the direction they are heading for. Maybe you'll make a mistake, misjudge the situation, but I don't think that hurts as long as you are doing it interactively. There's a judgment call involved, but sometimes those decisions lead to an emotional richness that you wouldn't find if you took too hard a line OR what Charlotte Mason calls a "laissez-aller" (let it go) soft line. That's what I am thinking, anyway.

Leonie writes:

"A Mean Mum? Yes, in some respects.
"But you should have seen their smiles at the end. Anny text messaged his oldest brother, Luke, with his achievement."

Perhaps when kids see that we have confidence enough in their resilience and competence to offer them occasional challenges outside their comfort zone, they rise to the occasion.... perhaps?

Interesting Posts Digest

Random Thoughts on Sparks and Poetry
---Studeo

"...learning is more enjoyable when we don't force mastery the first time we encounter something new. Progress and accomplishment is good, but sometimes I think we're in too much of a hurry to have children master something and wish to skip the in-between steps. It often helps me to break things up into smaller steps - like introducing children to a new thing. Then (even at a different time) let them get acquainted, explore that or enjoy it for awhile, etc"

A Charlotte Mason Day
--Dominion Family

"When I was a young homeschooling mom, I longed for someone to tell me what they DID.
No one ever wanted to tell me.
Most mothers said, “You just have to do what is right for your family.”
Yes, but a few concrete ideas would have helped. So now that my bones creak and my baby is almost 5, I try to be concrete about what we do.
Please don’t mistake that for thinking this is the only way.
It is not that by a long shot.
It is just my collection of Little Grains of Sand."

Education is Atmosphere-Discipline-Life
--Dog Day Afternoons

"We can create an atmosphere- a postive emotional atmosphere that encourages the child and learning. I loved how [Charlotte Mason] also wrote that there can be an atmosphere that encourages questions, inquiry, learning. One where asking questions is the norm and adults will mostly answer if they can juggle the current demands! And an atmosphere is rich with ideas.. books, movies, music, conversation, ideas. A place we want to be where learning happens."

Admire a Child; Inspire a Child
--A Bravewriter's Life

"Admire them for their interests and capacities.

How does this foster good writing? Several ways.

1. You are learning to be an appreciative audience.
2. You are facilitating the development of vocabulary around a topic of significant interest.
3. You are tuning in to your child’s interests and can remember what they are when a writing opportunity comes up. Hey, Liam, want to write about how you learned to do an “around the world” with your yo-yo for Grandma? She’d love to hear.
4. Your child learns to trust you. You find the things he is interested in, interesting. The child stops the guesswork of what would please you when you ask him to write and instead, will offer you what pleases him because he knows you will value it."

Late Have I Loved Thee
-- A Call to Adventure

"And doesn't it all boil down to that? What have I loved today? What have I sought? What I seek shows what I love.

Did I love my child or did I seek another small moment of solitude and sigh when she came to ask a question? Even the 254th question before 8:30 AM? Do I really love solitude more than my daughter?"

The Quiet Joy
--Here in the Bonny Glen

"Of course I hope, for her sake, that she will be a healthy child. No mother hopes for her children to have to walk a difficult road; it is our nature to want their paths to be as pleasant as possible. But no longer could I say and mean (even if I didn’t know the gender of the child): "I don’t care what it is as long as it’s healthy," with its tacit suggestion that an unhealthy baby means only tragedy and sorrow."

Two Treats refers to this post
--Common Room

Family Roles
--Bruggietales

"Every family has to organise itself in a way that helps it achieve its various ends. Whatever the background of the mother and father, all families need to address these ends, some of which include:

• the raising and education of children
• providing shelter, food and clothing for its members
• getting to heaven
• contributing to the wider community
• providing for the future (parents, grandparents and children)"

Weekly Routine

Monday: Laundry and Blessing Day

• Kids' Allowances
• Change sheets and wash
• Supervise kids' weekly jobs and bedding change.
• Kids clean rooms.
  
• Start a box of things to get rid of.
• Reshelve books
• Put things back in proper places
• Declutter
• List things to repair or improve -- annoyance list
  
• Spray laundry baskets with Lysol and wipe
• Straighten laundry shelves and cupboards
• Sort and match loose socks
• Dust bedroom furniture
• Hand washables and special laundry
• Mend/iron
• Wash towels and bathroom rugs

Tuesday: Kitchen Day

• Change kitty litter
• Make grocery list/plan menus
• Bake
• Clean telephones

• Clean inside, outside, top of refrigerator/freezer
• Clean microwave inside and out
• Scour range hood and sides of oven
• Scour stove top
• Clean cupboard doors
• Wash canisters, knickknacks
• Clean small appliances

• Empty/wash kitchen shelves
• Wash/change shelf and cupboard paper or scrub bottoms of shelves and drawers
• Clean fan (stove)
• Wash walls and woodwork in kitchen
• Clean behind refrigerator

Wednesday -- Errand and Therapy Day

• Sweep fireplace and dump ashes
• Vacuum in corners downstairs
• Sweep and tidy patio and mudroom
• Fill firewood box
• Print out library list and make reservations
  
• Go to library and market
• Bring back library books and media
• Send off packages and other mail
• Therapists at noon and 2 pm
• Therapy log and schedule --
• Plan preschool activities
• Go through books and/or closet
  
• Choir 7 pm

Thursday -- Deep Cleaning Day

• Zone cleaning (see chart)
• Gather and take out all trash
• Wash lightswitches
• Make cookies
• Go someplace for vocational

Friday -- Lesson Planning and Record-Keeping Day

• Update learning records
• Lesson Plans
• Go through mail
• Write letters
• Organize desk space
• Stations of the Cross 1 pm
• Kids' baths and hair
• Kids' nails

Saturday -- Home Project Day

• Violin 9:30
• Confession monthly in am
  
• Wash car
• Work on garden
• Yardwork
  
• Tidy outside
• Brush dog
• Clean purse
  
• Mass 4 pm

When weather is too cold, declutter and throw away old papers

Sunday -- Lord's Day

• Bake
• Time with Kevin
• work on Latin or Greek
• write poem or story
  
• Talk to Liam
• Call or write (alternate people)
• Plan blessings for other people
• Rest
• Calligraphy
• Spiritual Reading
• Knitting etc.

"God’s way of changing the world is like the mustard seed."

This passage from Family: Monastery of the New Dark Ages has been making me think -- it is by Father Fessio and the whole article is worth reading:

"I was hiking in the Sierra Nevada mountains last week, near Yosemite, surrounded by a very beautiful, magnificent landscape. One of the really striking features is that up in the high Sierra of Yo semite it’s almost all granite; and yet you look on these sheer granite cliffs and these enormous granite mountains, and there are pine trees growing out of the granite. There’s no dirt; it’s just granite. And you see a pine tree coming right out of that granite. How does that happen? A seed has fallen into a crack, taken in moisture, and has been able to grow and crack that granite and it’s been able to live there. That’s why Christ tells us about the parable of the mustard seed, and many parables of seeds in Scripture. The seed has the power which can overcome obstacles much mightier than itself. This we see in Christ Himself as the one who is the seed that becomes incarnate in the womb of the Blessed Virgin in the little backwater town of Nazareth. "

Hidden Talents

Ave Maria writes:

"An educator who has been a consecrated religious for 50 years, once told me God gives a special talent to each child. You must pray to discover the hidden talent of each child."

Makes me think of what our last Pope said to families: "Become who you are."

Tip of the hat to Cindy

Also, a quote from GKC thanks to Love2Learn Mom

"I myself have little Latin and less Greek. But I know enough Greek to know the meaning of the second syllable of "enthusiasm," and I know it to be the key to this and every other discussion."

Absolutely.

Weekly Jobs

Monday: Laundry and Blessing Day

• Kids' Allowances
• Change sheets and wash
• Supervise kids' weekly jobs and bedding change.
• Kids clean rooms.
  
• Start a box of things to get rid of.
• Reshelve books
• Put things back in proper places
• Declutter
• List things to repair or improve -- annoyance list
  
• Spray laundry baskets with Lysol and wipe
• Straighten laundry shelves and cupboards
• Sort and match loose socks
• Dust bedroom furniture
• Hand washables and special laundry
• Mend/iron
• Wash towels and bathroom rugs

Tuesday: Kitchen Day

• Change kitty litter
• Make grocery list/plan menus
• Bake
• Clean telephones

• Clean inside, outside, top of refrigerator/freezer
• Clean microwave inside and out
• Scour range hood and sides of oven
• Scour stove top
• Clean cupboard doors
• Wash canisters, knickknacks
• Clean small appliances

• Empty/wash kitchen shelves
• Wash/change shelf and cupboard paper or scrub bottoms of shelves and drawers
• Clean fan (stove)
• Wash walls and woodwork in kitchen
• Clean behind refrigerator

Wednesday -- Errand and Therapy Day

• Sweep fireplace and dump ashes
• Vacuum in corners downstairs
• Sweep and tidy patio and mudroom
• Fill firewood box
• Print out library list and make reservations
  
• Go to library and market
• Bring back library books and media
• Send off packages and other mail
• Therapists at noon and 2 pm
• Therapy log and schedule --
• Plan preschool activities
• Go through books and/or closet
  
• Choir 7 pm

Thursday -- Deep Cleaning Day

• Zone cleaning (see chart)
• Gather and take out all trash
• Wash lightswitches
• Make cookies
• Go someplace for vocational

Friday -- Lesson Planning and Record-Keeping Day

• Update learning records
• Lesson Plans
• Go through mail
• Write letters
• Organize desk space
• Stations of the Cross 1 pm
• Kids' baths and hair
• Kids' nails

Saturday -- Home Project Day

• Violin 9:30
• Confession monthly in am
  
• Wash car
• Work on garden
• Yardwork
  
• Tidy outside
• Brush dog
• Clean purse
  
• Mass 4 pm

When weather is too cold, declutter and throw away old papers

Sunday -- Lord's Day

• Bake
• Time with Kevin
• work on Latin or Greek
• write poem or story
  
• Talk to Liam
• Call or write (alternate people)
• Plan blessings for other people
• Rest
• Calligraphy
• Spiritual Reading
• Knitting etc.