Montessori -- Immersion in Time and Space

I found these articles interesting and was going to try to blog a bit about them, but I think I'll just pull out excerpts instead:

Of TIme and Montessori: Kairos and Chronos

Teachers often find it difficult to explain this mysterious characteristic of a Montessori classroom. Freedom of movement does not quite explain it. Nor does freedom of choice. Freedom from time comes close.

The Greeks had a name for it-Kairos-- a quality of time without measure. We all know it. The artist and writer know it. We are baffled by it when we ask, "Where did the time go!" after we lose ourselves in a book or in a labor of love. Kairos time returns us to the young child's time without measure, where freedom of movement and freedom of choice-the time-honored icons of Montessori theory-are not hampered by artificial blocks of time, as in traditional school environments.

Measured time, which the Greeks called Chronos, owes its existence to the invention of the chronometer. Heralding the start ofthe Industrial Revolution, it created "wage slaves," factory workers who lost their freedom to Chronos time. Our western educational system took its cue from the factory model, down to the bell and the whistle, sacrificing freedom of movement and freedom of choice on the altar of the timeclock.

Our current Western attitude regards Kairic-dominated cultures with suspicion, if not derision-Latin, for example, in the chorus: "Manana, manana is good enough for me!" We place a high value on the Chronos time which drives our commercial and economic systems.

Mothers in modern industrialized societies were told to feed their infants by the clock-every 3 hours-and warned that feeding "on demand" would spoil the baby. The chronos, rigid feeding schedule replaced mother's free-flowing kairos breast time with bottle, as the caged crib replaced the gentle rocking cradle. Baby lost freedom of movement and freedom of choice in the prison of chronos.

Ritual as a Window into Montessori Practice

When one of the participants, a Montessorian from Brazil, offered her observation that "the pedagogy of love" was that link, all of my attraction and perplexity converged into a single cluster of research questions: What is a pedagogy of love? What does it look like? How is it constructed, practiced, and fulfilled?

To answer those questions, I turned to a concept that had already figured prominently in my analysis of teachers and teaching in traditional classrooms ... That concept is ritual. From the precise way a child learns to roll and unroll a mat or the intricate choreography of a lesson in handwashing to the larger ceremonies of the Great Lessons or the Birthday Celebration, ritualized activity is among the most distinctive features of Montessori education. In marking time, shaping space, and communicating values central to the culture, these rituals help define the contours of Montessori practice and, in so doing, they illuminate the complexity as well as the unity of the method. They enable us to "see" the pedagogy of love.

Following the King's High Road

I just finished reading Charles Williams' book Many Dimensions -- he was a Christian writer, a friend of CS LEwis's and a member of the Inklings. Towards the end of the book he quotes John Braxton as saying:

Attribuat igitur Rex legi, quod Lex attribuit ei,videlicet dominationem et imperium. Non est enim Rex ubi dominatur voluntas, et non Lex.

He translates this as

"Therefore let the king attribute to the law that which the law attributes to him, namely, domination and power. For where the will rules and not the law is no king."

From what I understand, the context is British constitutional development -- this was the thought process that gave rise to the Magna Charta in England. It reminded me of Charlotte Mason who wrote much about the role of authority and how it relates to the role of parents.

During the summer I was blogging about Charlotte Mason's ideas on Habits. I planned to continue during the year, but as is typical, I got caught up in the practical details of homeschooling and couldn't keep both balls in the air at the same time. But going through Dorothy Canfield Fisher's Montessori ideas and seeing how they overlapped with some of CM's thoughts on child-raising made me get out my scuffed old copy of Home Education.

Also the Real Learning board has been hosting some discussions of habits in their various aspects: habits for kids, for teens, for the household, and for moms. It seems to me that perhaps the Ordinary Season between Christmas and Lent is a good time to think about these things. So I wanted to pick up the CM thoughts focusing mainly on her Volume 1 which focuses on children under the age of 9. This intersects nicely, it seems to me, with the Dorothy Canfield Fisher focus on children of preschool age.

Charlotte Mason talks about obedience in much more depth, and so it will probably come up again, but in the meantime, it's important to remember that we are talking about obedience in its highest sense, and that there are perils in trying to train mechanical, unreasonable obedience. Humans are not animals, not slaves, and they are not cogs in somebody else's system of order; Immanuel Kant, who got some other things wrong, got it right in saying:

"Act so that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in that of another, always as an end and never as a means only."

I tend to be a rebel, temperamentally and naturally, as a melancholic (and as half Scottish Celt, as well). My first question when faced by a simple command or statement is always "Why should I?" or "Why should it be so?" This can manifest as both a strength AND a weakness. That's probably why I usually get reflexively stopped in my tracks whenever I see the word "obedience". On the other hand, say the words "loyalty" and "fidelity" and my heart rings. But in some ways, they are the same concepts at their core.

When I first read what Charlotte Mason said about the nobility of obedience, it came together as it never had before. I didn't have to impose servility on myself or on my children. Mothering was not a power struggle -- me asserting my will over that of my small, beautiful children.

Obedience was loyalty to the Good, True and Beautiful -- which can never be anything but expansive and ennobling. My only problem then was convincing my rather balky reason, will and body to fall into step together alongside of that glorious banner. ... and of course, to make clear to my children the high dignity of doing so and the fact that they are fellow soldiers or adventurers or questers after Beauty and Truth; not slaves.

Obedience is a virtue only to the extent that it is free. Perhaps if you think about it in terms of Pride and Dignity and the Chivalrous Temper, it makes this clearer. I think of King David, certainly a great man, whose "delight was in the law of the Lord". He did not think it was undignified or demeaning to follow another.

I mentioned this part once before on the blog. ...When I was reading the Catholic Catechism I found that the etymology of "obey" is from "audire" meaning to hear or hearken to. Here is Proverbs 22:17, in the same vein:

Incline thy ear, and hear the words of the wise: and apply thy heart to my knowledge.

In this respect, it can be the highest of human acts. There is something intrinsic to me, in that connection between listening -- hearkening -- and "logos" -- word, or reason. You have to listen in order to hear words. And the obedience bit is where one's will comes in; will implies voluntariness, as Charlotte Mason says:

let him (the child) know what a noble thing it is to be able to make himself do, in a minute, and brightly, the very thing he would rather not do.

My task as a mother got much easier when I realized that my authority as a mother was not a matter of my superior power of intelligence or physical strength (that seemed like tyranny to me) or even my superior virtue (because I, being older, had sinned more than my children). It was my role, insofar as I represented the Good. I had to represent something bigger than myself "what is right". It is a high responsibility but we are placed in that role by virtue of being parents. We all have to grow into it to some extent, I think.

Charlotte Mason writes in Home Education (Some Moral Habits)

Children must have the Desire to Obey.––It is only in proportion as the will of the child is in the act of obedience, and he obeys because his sense of right makes him desire to obey in spite of temptations to disobedience––not of constraint, but willingly––that the habit has been formed which will, hereafter, enable the child to use the strength of his will against his inclinations when these prompt him to lawless courses.

It is said that the children of parents who are most strict in exacting obedience often turn out ill; and that orphans and other poor waifs brought up under strict discipline only wait their opportunity to break into license. Exactly so; because, in these cases, there is no gradual training of the child in the habit of obedience; no gradual enlisting of his will on the side of sweet service and a free will offering of submission to the highest law: the poor children are simply bullied into submission to the will, that is, the wilfulness, of another; not at all, 'for it is right'; only because it is convenient.

If you notice, this implies that (1) the child's growing abilities to reason and will must be directed towards doing what is right and (2) that the parents and those in authority are entrusted with using their ability to lead in the way that is best for the children themselves. You don't want a child who disobeys whenever there is no one to look.

This is what Dorothy Canfield Fisher is saying, too ( I quoted her on that before). She points out that adults (hopefully) don't refrain from stealing or hurting simply because they are afraid they will go to prison. She points out that we don't want the obedience that would make things easy for a dictator like Hitler. We want free, reasoning consent to what is right.

The parents and the children should both be doing what is right. Their roles are not oppositional; they should be aimed in the same direction. The bigger role in one sense belongs to the parents -- to show the beauty and dignity of obedience to good things and that parents, too, are subject to what is right and ought to resist what is wrong.

Obedience is dignified by its very nature IF freely chosen and directed towards the right. Our obedience is a trust; it does not give us permission to do what is wrong. Similarly, and for the very same reason, authority is a trust. Think about it this way -- as Bob Dylan said, "You gotta serve somebody..." and there is solid truth in that. The person who does everything to please himself is a slave to whatever he is striving to please ... his appetites, his personal temperament. A person who does something only because he fears what will happen if he doesn't is a servant to fear or aversion.

Commanding the Waves, and Setting a Course

I've been meaning to link all the recent posts on Dorothy Canfield Fisher and her Montessori Manual together in one post, so here we go:

1. Retreat to Quiet for Little Children
2. Human Dignity for Children
3. Avoiding Near Occasions
4. Reasons Behind the Rules
5. Wild Irritability
6. Wise, Harmless and Beneficial Actions

One more thing came up in my thoughts while I was pulling this together, so I'm putting it here because it seems important in tying everything else together. It's easy to read parenting books, especially ones that are idealistic in some way, and feel like you've really missed the boat and might as well give it up .... things just aren't ever going to be much better in your house, because you didn't start right and you keep failing every day. So here's the thought.


Families are a "Growth" Model

"To reach something good it is very useful to have gone astray, and thus acquire experience."

- Saint Teresa of Avila (1515-1582)

I sometimes wish someone had told me earlier in my years of being a mother that temporary personal issues and difficulties aren't fatal. (My mom did tell me by example and story, but I didn't listen, and this turned out to be one of those very Mistakes that Aren't Fatal).

In fact, one HUGE advantage in parenting is the amount of time you have and the amount of chances you have to get it RIGHT. Like Montessori education, it is quite self-correcting.

Families are "growth" models -- unlike a machine, which is always in danger of breaking down, families are like organisms, in which the task is to maintain and optimize and clear the way for health and life. (I actually did read that in a Mary Pride book and it was SO helpful to me -- I had read too many books about all the damage you could do to your kids by the wrong approach and it resulted in me savagely critiquing every single decision I made).

Families are growth models. If you see something going wrong, you will have occasion to correct it. You are expected to make course corrections. You know the song sung by the Irish Tenors, The Voyage:

Life is an ocean, love is a boat.
In troubled waters it keeps us afloat.
When we started the voyage
there was just me and you –
Now gathered around us we have our own crew.

Children are in "growth" mode, too. So the Montessorean principle is that it's better to work WITH the child's natural development than try to force it forward one way and push it back in another way, which is very difficult to do successfuly and if it is successful, isn't a good thing for the child in the long run.It will be sort of like the English king trying to command the waves, if the force is set against a natural and normal developmental strength or weakness of the child's. Dorothy Canfield Fisher, I think, is not talking about Super Parents or never making mistakes, but about general constructive principles and a habit on the mom's part to be the stronger, wiser of the two in a mother/child relationship. Or at least, I would imagine that is what she is saying, because that is what I think is true. Part of being stronger and wiser is the willingness to pick oneself up and try once more. Sometimes, that's ALL it comes down to, but if you can teach your children that lesson by example you've probably taught them one of the most important things they need to know.

With no maps to guide us we steered our own course.
We rode out the storms when the winds were gale force.
We sat out the doldrums in patience and hope.
Working together we learned how to cope.

Wise, Harmless and Beneficial Actions

Fourth -- Necessity for Constant Activity in Early Childhood

This might be a good time to mention that the bulk of the Montessori Manual by Dorothy Canfield Fisher that I have been talking about is actually a sequential series of Montessori -type activities that you can often approximate in your own home. So in a sense the whole book is about this positive "active" side of things which she mentions in this fourth point. The child's drive for active involvement is a powerful force towards the child's own development, she says, and it ought to be fostered and helped rather than discouraged. So:

The final lesson... is positiveness, as opposed to negativeness, in their lives. The craving for constant, unceasing activity in little children is intense. This is a normal and blessed instinct of their, which does more than anything to develop them. And the mother should constantly bear it in mind. Her attitude towards her little child should be as little negative as may be; she should set her grown-up wits incessantly to work to devise wise, harmless and beneficial actions for the child, not merely to forbid him unwise and harmful ones. And here the Montessori apparatus is of inestimable value....

This sort of explains itself. Different children have different activity levels but all need a rhythm of activity and material for their activity. Outdoors, books, toys, games, and crafts are all material; the child's engagement with them provides the activity. Charlotte Mason called it "setting their feet in a wide room". That link takes you to my idea of the "primary priorities". Look here, too, if you haven't already: My Rule of Six and Whence it Came (from Melissa at Here in the Bonny Glen, and she links to other versions, too).

What are your ideas for "wise, harmless, beneficial" activities?

(I like that description because it seems to parallel St Paul's "Finally whatever is true, whatever pure, whatever is just, whatever holy, whatever is amiable, whatever of good repute, think on these things". In a child's case, often, it is often DO or HEAR or SEE these things, since children learn so much from the tangible, in stories and songs and family or liturgical customs and hands-on materials).

The details will differ from family to family, and from child to child. There might be a family of athletes, who love games and physical excursion. Another family might love to study nature. Some families are bookish and enjoy discussions and pleasant, leisurely debates. Some are great at making things with their hands. Usually it's not so much having ENOUGH activities, as having too many possibilities, that makes it difficult!

If you're not sure where to start, start with where your family is now, what the parents love and love to share with others. Build and expand from there. If you get TOO expansive and feel confused and over your head, take a look at this excellent article on Simplifying Homeschooling. As it says it's a homeschooling article, but most of the ideas relate to parenting, too, in some way or other, especially since parenting and education are inextricably entwined even if you don't homeschool.

And properly speaking, all this "positive" activity that you provide or allow for your children IS what education is essentially about (along with conversations and your example in life and your closeness with your child). Even if the child goes to school at the conventional age, you still continue with your task of guiding and deepening his academic and other endeavors in life.

In the comments of an earlier post, Stephanie mentioned:

Anyway, do you think that in those first years, what the child is doing is gathering behavioral and reaction options? ....It seems to me that those first years are for forming the will. We give the child many ways of doing this, and every time the child acts upon his world, he learns what works and what doesn't.

Well ... if we arrange the child's world so that the near occasions are not part of his little equation, then do we not give the child good and stable habits on which to build? I've got a vision in my head of a very plump little child with a bucket, toddling around, gathering things up from what is available, and it is from this bucket he will draw things for the rest of his life.

In answer I wrote:

...There (seems to be) a very primary Habit of Expectation set up in a child by his treatment primary years PLUS his temperament. This has to do with attachment theory. If a child spends his first months and years in an atmosphere of affection, intimacy, respect -- I sort of visualize warm arms to start from and come back to, and a kind smile even in the tough moments, and a bit of challenge maybe personified by a dad's playful wrestling and teasing --(the child) will have a sort of habit of using that approach to filter things through.

This emphasis on the positive, active side of things that Mrs Fisher mentions in this fourth point about positive activity seems to indicate what we are doing these other things FOR. Here, Stephanie's visual of the little child on the beach is a truly evocative one. It brings to mind CM's "despise not, offend not,hinder not" the little children. Charlotte Mason talks about how when a little baby is just learning to walk we try to help him get where he wants to go in safety and freedom. We try to remove obstacles from in front of his little unsteady feet; we guide him tactfully away from the holes in the ground towards open spaces. There is that whole beach to explore, all those good things that are proper material for his new abilities and interests, that he can pick up and inspect and drop in his pail.

It is similar with very young children who are just getting their grounding in the world of customs and behavior. In general, "good" behavior -- participating in the "wise, harmless, and beneficial" -- is not just good because it's our duty, but it's our duty because it's good. As parents, it is our task to help our children realize the goodness of good things..... its delight. We give them basic support in choosing the better. We are not God, mostly certainly not, but in important ways we are inevitably His representatives and first apostles to our children, and He has delegated some of His power to us to "lead them not into temptation, but deliver them from evil".

A very good parenting book (though a bit difficult to read) is Daniel Siegel's "Parenting from the Inside Out." He says that a parent, because of being older and wiser, impresses upon a child a more adult and productive way of handling things than a child can pull out of his own tiny experience (and judgment that depends inevitably upon experience and reflection). It is perhaps a bit similar to the way Charlotte Mason recommends reading the best that has been thought and said. By reading such books and loving them we learn patterns of thought and expression that we so to speak grow into. By "reading" a mother's way of doing things and being in an intimate relationship with that mother, the child becomes part of a higher pattern of handling choices than he could access on his own. (This is why peer dependence is a scary thing, because immature children learn immature behavior patterns from each other, but that's definitely for a different post).


Summary:

• Children crave active engagement with the world and it is good for them developmentally.
• The task of the mother is to provide "wise, beneficial, and harmless" activities for them to engage in.
• There will be different types of activities and different types of parenting styles in different families.
• But there are some general things that most have in common.
• Children need access to a way of doing things that they partake of even as they grow into.
  

Possible Applications:

• Perhaps you could make a list of the activities that your family already enjoys doing? Are there more you could add (or do you have TOO many possibilities, so you need to make a list to prioritize the ones you think are most important or rewarding?)
• What is your family's natural routine in a day? Do you notice any time periods where the children seem bored and more likely to quarrel or complain or be unhappily idle? Can you (perhaps with your children) brainstorm ways to make these times more constructive and peaceful?
• Keep your lists and look at them in a month or a year. Even if you do nothing conscious to make them happen, lots of times you find that you have unconsciously steered your life in that direction. Or at least, that happens with me sometimes!

Something I need to work on:

• A notorious "loose" time for the kids where things are likely to get disorderly is when I stay too long over my time on the computer in the morning. Once in a while it isn't likely to cause major problems, but if I start getting into the habit the day often starts off on the wrong note.

I've enjoyed writing out all these (as you could probably tell by the length!) and hope some of you got something out of it too!

Montessori Manual: Wild Irritability

Next in the series of strategies from Dorothy Canfield Fisher's Montessori Manual (the book is available online).

Third -- The mother should make the most careful distinction between the conscious, willful action of a child and the sort of wild irritability which results in "naughty" actions, but which is the result itself of nervous fatigue, due to injudicious treatment.

I guess past posts, like this one, Retreat to Quiet, have already discussed this somewhat. But that one was more about the peaceful life in general, and why a certain rhythm is desirable for small children, and this one is more about the little upheavals that occur inevitably in any child's life. Dorothy Fisher says that even in Montessori classrooms --she mentions Casa dei Bambini where Dr Montessori actually worked---there is occasional naughtiness. There, a "naughty" child is treated as a "sick" child. ... he is put in a quiet corner, allowed all the toys he wishes, is soothed and well treated, BUT (the most important part) NOT sent back into the thick of things until he is restored.

She says that for most intents and purposes, an out of control child really IS sick. A small child is not that far from babyhood where hunger pains or wetness or loneliness filled the little one's whole being. It takes maturity to keep being peaceful and well behaved through excitement or overtiredness or other upheavals of the body. Even a grown person often frays significantly under these conditions (and regrettably then sometimes takes it out on the children....mea culpa! More on that later). Usually the children that remain "good" in those circumstances are not really "good" but just unusually peaceful or regular children, who aren't so easily put out of whack by external stimuli. But for the more high-strung ones, anger and punishment on top of the initial upset is like torture.

For this reason, she says, a mother

Should not discipline or try to reason with a child when nervously excited.

(I think she means when the child is nervously excited, but it applies to the mother too! I try very hard to make sure I'm calm before I make a "consequence", just so I don't have to either retract or carry through something totally over the top later when I've cooled down! If you need to tell your child "We'll talk this over later when we're both calmer" that does work, and often you find the need for the consequence has passed. OR that it can be a more productive type thing, either a token "reminder" type consequence or a discussion "what would help you remember this rule next time?").

Methods for restoring peace in the nervously excited child:

Rather than escalate the nervousness by a hasty, emotional disciplinary action, remove him from the source of stress if at all possible, and try to calm him by purely physical means... a bath, comfort food, comfortable clothes, a place to rest, a warm steady gaze and kind touch. When he is restored, his normal desire to be good tends to be restored too. A word or two suffices then, and often the child agrees. If there's still something wrong, it's easier *after* the crisis has passed to discern what the underlying problem is -- maybe the child is getting ill, or is troubled about some life stress, has a food intolerance, etc.

What if there doesn't seem to be an immediate cause for the behavior?

If a child keeps falling into what Mrs Fisher calls "brain storms" even when there doesn't seem to be an immediate cause, try keeping an observation journal. Pay attention to the times and circumstances when the upheavals take place. Often you see a pattern. It isn't always easy to solve -- my special needs 9 year old gets frantic when the dog is let out of its room, IF he's already anxious about something else, but not at other times. I kept an informal observation journal over the weekend and I recorded several moments of conflict that I wouldn't necessarily have been able to predict. But knowing the conditions when you're likely to have problems helps you deal proactively instead of being shocked and distressed and angry.

Occasional conflicts in a house are normal. Perhaps the 20/80 principle applies here. If you can get rid of the BIG recurring rocks of conflict, and these are usually not very many, you have accomplished 80% of the task.

What if the mother is having a bad day, too?

The same principle of understanding "wild irritability" applies to Mother, as well, though the book does not discuss that aspect of it. There are times when I KNOW I'm not at my best. During those days it is even more important not to project the interior problem -- sickness, hormones, worry, whatever -- onto the situation. Yet that is very easy to do -- so it might be good to consider a Plan B for days when you know you're already off balance. That's a whole big topic itself and perhaps for another post, but I'm mentioning it here: Moms get nervously fatigued too and they too need to consider comfort measures for those times. St Francis de Sales says that it's important to remember that invalids and pregnant mothers, for example, shouldn't try to hold themselves to the spiritual practices they can do when they're absolutely well. When I know I'm not at my best, I try even harder to stay peaceful, and don't expect so much of myself in other ways that to me are not as important.

What if I'm worried that this behavior will carry into his future?

I think it's important not to project the child's present behavior onto the future. Say he gets frustrated and starts flinging his things around the room. That does NOT inevitably mean he will be in his 20's and get fired because he starts throwing office supplies, or even that he will be the kind of man who complains about the dog or scolds the baby when he's stressed. The strategies that an adult with anger management difficulties would have to learn in adulthood, you can start working on simply and constructively now when he is six or seven. By noting the child's "natural" reaction to circumstances, you can be a part of the solution. But it's much easier to work on these things in the present moment rather than extrapolate and "catastrophize".

Can you stop or rechannel naughtiness before it gets off the ground?

By keeping half an eye on childrens' play you can sometimes forestall "wild irritability" before it gets off the ground. I probably should have mentioned this first, but it probably comes under the earlier post on avoiding near occasions. You can usually hear a more frayed tone or more hysterical laughter or the beginning of an argument, or see wilder movements that look like they will end in someone getting hurt. Mothers are generally very sensitive about these early signs because they know their children.

Sometimes you can redirect quickly BEFORE naughtiness. Charlotte Mason recommended this. Some moms are gifted at a quick fun distraction -- "can you help me start these cookies?" Sometimes mom just coming in and interacting within the play makes a difference. Your stability and creative energy can change the flow in a good way. Sometimes you can change the scene completely; bring the kids outside or get their help fixing a snack. Sometimes I come in and "moderate" an argument that seems to be escalating. "K is saying that he had this first. What do you say, A?" etc. It sounds silly so sometimes it has helped me to make it sound even more formal than it already sounds... as if it were a momentous debate. Obviously I wouldn't do this if it offended the kids, but sometimes it eases the tension in the moment. These are just examples.

A friend of ours, who's a dad, will say "No more tiger play," when he sees that a rowdy game is heading for an inevitable blood-drawing. By saying this he affirms that rowdy play IS fine but that now is a good time to end it. If the child's "ears have shut off" as sometimes happens when games are rowdy, he can simply scoop up the non-listener in a warm circle of arms and transition to a "dad/child" wrestling match which is more controlled and then can be de-escalated into another together activity like reading together or talking about the child's day, or whatever.

What about consequences?

Finally -- if a child hits or does something that is against the family rules, you may have to still impose a consequence. As Mrs Fisher says, it's more effective to do this AFTER everyone is cool. And my personal tendency is to make the penance as minimal as I can considering the child AND the offense. Why? Because an excessive punishment can aggravate anger and cause fear and this distracts from my goal which is to teach the child to do better freely because it is right. Sometimes a somewhat silly immediate token punishment like "run around the room three times" sticks in their memory better and is a better inoculation against future offenses than something like "you're grounded for two weeks, and I better not catch you doing that again" Minimal consequences don't teach disrespect like you might think they would, because you can always ratchet them up with genuine regret and even ask for the child's take on what would work better to solve the problem. Sometimes I have offered a choice of consequence. This kind of thing is much easier to do in calm moments than in the heat of things.

Charlotte Mason recommends "natural consequences" or at least, as close to natural as possible. I think this makes sense, but sometimes is difficult to manage in the heat of things around a busy household. You could write them ahead of time. I usually try to make "healthy" consequences at least -- things that are sort of constructive in themselves and tend to produce good energy rather than anger and humiliation. Maybe I ought to try to write some more about this some other time, since there is probably more that could be said about this.

Boy, I meant this one to be short! Sorry, folks! On to the summary.

Summary:

• "Wild irritability" due to over-stimulation is not wickedness in a child; it should be treated with quiet comfort measures. The child should be kept aside from the scene of conflict until he is restored.
• The mother's times of wild irritability should be as much as possible treated by the same methods -- quiet and comfort.
• Don't project a personal mood onto the child, and don't project a child's temperamental lapses into his future, because that usually escalates the emotional intensity.
• In general, when things are escalating, work towards "de-escalating!" If you need to still impose some consequence, say for hitting, it works much better to deal with it AFTER things have calmed down.
• Natural, logical or at least "healthy" consequences are usually most productive.
  

Examples:

I've already mentioned a few in former posts. When Paddy was three he would have regular tantrums. I found that with him, taking him into my room, lowering the blinds, wrapping him in a blanket and rubbing his back helped him be restored. Did this reward the tantrums? No, because this is not the natural REWARD of a tantrum -- it's the natural antidote or counter-measure. A reward would probably be anything that fueled his anger or that brought the play of the others to a sorrowful halt.

Another child of mine hated to be touched when he was furious. He wanted to stay in his room by himself. I'd usually put his legos near him, put his covers over him and leave him to himself. His dad was better than I was at direct warm intervention -- he would joke and talk about unrelated things and somehow steamroll past the anger. This probably isn't recommended in a Montessori school where the teacher has to be careful about imposing her personality too much on the child but I think it's a very constructive thing in the home environment, though I am not good at it.

Yesterday Aidan was taking a bath, I was in the bathroom with him, and Paddy was there too. Aidan started sliding the shampoo bottle down the bath rim into a plastic box on the floor. There wasn't any naughtiness in the behavior, but obviously I could see possible problems, especially as Paddy started jumping around gleefully and encouraging Aidan. So I changed the scenario by telling Aidan it was time to go make pizza and fortunately, both the boys were into that idea.

Something I have to work on:

• Reading Paddy's signs when he is playing with his siblings and starts showing increasing irritability. Maybe have some books or drawing paper ready?

Application?

• Anyone want to share something that's worked for them or something that they are working on now? Please feel free! Stephanie has been mentioning some of her family strategies in the comments. If others would like to, I would certainly love to hear them.
  

Montessori Manual: Reasons Behind the Rules

Next in the series of strategies from Dorothy Canfield Fisher's Montessori Manual (the book is available online as a PDF and the relevant section on obedience can be read here).

Second -- As soon as he begins to be able to understand simple statements, the reason for various commands given him should be explained to him.

The child should first obey, then expect an explanation for the command, she says. This has two purposes: it shows the child that there is a reason for the rule, and it restrains people around him from making unreasonable rules. If a mother is inclined to say "no" for small reasons, she should try to rethink ways that she can say "yes".

If a mother is always thinking about what she WOULD explain to the child if the child could understand, even if it is a small child, it makes it easier for that mother to sort out for herself what is based on real reasons and what is not.

I read somewhere else that Montessori teachers are often grieved to see a toddler scolded for doing the very things -- touching, investigating, arranging -- that they are encouraged to do in the prepared environment.

Mrs Fisher writes, and I find this too:

"Such frank explanations and mutual concession are most valuable and vital elements in the harmonious relations of parent and child, and do more than anything elsee to prevent that bitter rebellion against authority which so often saddens the adolescence of children with strong wills and a keen sense of justice"

I do think that a general habit of minimizing unnecessary restrictions and commands, and being willing to think them through, is a very helpful habit. I wanted to mention some possible difficulties, things that have cropped up in my experience. But if you're not much interested, just skip to the summary, strategies and so on at the bottom.

I. I have to explain the reason for EVERY rule? I can only make rules that I can explain?

Here I picture a busy overloaded mom who sees this principle as saying that she can't justly say NO ever, or has to rigorously evaluate every single executive decision and communicate every detail to her children. The household becomes a free-for-all as children negotiate and argue and Mom has to justify her decisions. I do not think this is the sort of thing Mrs Fisher is advocating at all. I think I made that mistake sometimes when my children were younger. I hesitated to impose what the Church calls "disciplines" -- things that weren't specific Commandments, but that were indirectly good because they made the family life run better. And I often critiqued myself, which is an extra burden to bear when you're already doing a lot in a day.

While decisions should be thoughtful, mothers have to make some decisions by intuition based on lots of factors -- her own energy level, the factor of several children of varying levels of responsibility, the flow of the day, the stress level of her husband, many things that she can't explain thoroughly to children or even completely articulate to herself, but that she is taking intuitively into account.

I've made rules, say for walking near busy streets with my group of children, that I wouldn't have to bother about if I only had one child. This is part of finding what Stephen Covey calls a "win/win" solution that works for all the people concerned. The mom's sanity and comfort zone (and the dad's) are part of the equation and to be considered seriously in the same way as the comfort zone of the child(ren) is considered. I do try to give the children the understanding that some rules like "don't hit your sibling" are based more directly on the real nature of things, while some rules "hold hands with Mom when you cross the street" are more situational even though they are based on real principles like "preserve safety". More on that some other time, perhaps.

II. What if explanations and choices and compromises just make a conflict worse?

When my kids were younger I didn't realize that children rather like habitual behavior and get pleasure out of ritual; in fact, that small children prefer not to deal with long, philosophical discussions, and as Charlotte Mason points out, find it stressful to have too many decisions and choices to make. Sure, it is good to give choices and have some open-ended situations so they gradually grow into the ability to choose well, and it is good to talk about reasons behind decisions. But the value of giving choices and discussing principles is not so much because the children like it so much -- they usually don't particularly -- but because it is good practice for parents and children, and plants a seed for future thinking.

I am just mentioning that in case you tend to fall into a mistake I sometimes still fall into, of thinking that it is a concession to the child to offer choices or explain things. Then when your child gets angry and even more locked into his own will, you wonder what went wrong. Well, the reason, I think, is that instead of being seen as a compromise or concession, as it seems to the adult, to the distressed child it is seen as a third alternative and too overwhelming for an undeveloped thought process.

It is still good to give reasons and offer choices. But try not to expect it to be seen as a gift or a pacifier for conflict. Rather, as Dorothy Canfield Fisher says, offer these things as a teacher of responsible freedom, expecting the results to unfold slowly, just because it is a good thing in itself. Practically speaking, I find it MUCH more effective to explain things and offer choices in calm times when there isn't already a conflict going on. If my child isn't already emotionally invested in a particular outcome, he is FAR more likely to be able to handle the stress of an explanation or a presentation of alternatives.


III. How many times do I have to repeat my reasons for a rule?

Can it ever start seeming silly to keep repeating the same explanations over and over again? When Paddy has asked for the fifth time why he has to do a given thing, say put his boots by the door, even if he is obeying, I start working on having him memorize it so he can tell ME... or I try to set up in informal fashion what Montessori calls a "presentation" -- a teaching procedure. (It might be better actually to do this beforehand, but I am usually not that organized). Asking for the same explanation over and over again can start sounding like a reflex. My mother in law is very good at "object lessons" or creative demonstrations or Socratic questioning on WHY a rule is in place. She helps the child participate in the reasoning behind the rule. If you have a talent for this, it's a useful one : ).

It might be helpful to consider the Montessorian principle that the fewer and more simple words in teaching, the better it is. I have a friend who is very good at explaining rules in advance, but at the same time thinking up a short phrase or motto to express in capsule form her reasons for a rule. It is true but simply expressed so she can build on it with more detail and depth as the child grows older, and it sums things up so that she can quickly state it in times when there is turmoil. I think it's something like a "Talking Point" and I've seen a similar strategy recommended in various parenting books.


IV. I would like to explain reasons to my kids, but I know or sense that it will cause chaos.

What if you want to try to follow this principle more than you have in the past, or you have already tried, but find that this upsets the status quo so that for a while things seem to have actually gone downhill?

In some ways this can happen even in the natural course of things. Children slowly develop in maturity (with some steps backwards for various reasons which are totally normal). The applications of general principles have to change, too. There is a gradual "handing-over" of responsibility to the child as he shows himself capable of handling things. Sometimes there are temporary back-slides and glitches in that process, and it is helpful to be prepared for that.

But it is probably even more true when family relationships have had a lot of conflict and tension and opposition and the parents are now trying to change the pattern of interaction. It may be necessary to open the lines of explanation and concession very carefully, so the child has a chance to find the new balance. Anything that's done very differently from past behavior is going to throw off the child's equilibrium, and I've noticed that very many children who have learned a negative style of interaction find it becomes almost a drug -- they instinctively try to retrieve the more familiar dynamic when it's not there.

I remember my brother getting very angry at my mother when she was trying to use "reflective language" in responding to him. He wasn't used to it and to him, it didn't sound like his mom. He instinctively tried to goad her back to the more customary type of interaction. I should add that her style of interaction was well in the range of normal to begin with -- it was just that she wanted to improve! In the long run she was able to make the changes and cloak them with her own personality, but at first they sounded artificial and felt artificial to my brother (and probably to my mother too). So this can bring up another point.... sometimes the new ideas are only partly understood, so the mom is still working out how to make it part of her own style.

When I was first trying to put Charlotte Mason's principles into practice, there was no surer recipe for a bad day than to try to implement some new principle. I felt unsure and this threw me and the kids off balance. However, over time the ideas really did sink in and sprout and bear fruit.


Summary:

• Think about WHY rules are in place. (There is some interesting discussion here on Rules vs Principles from a radical-unschooling perspective).
  
• Think about how to explain and demonstrate the principles behind rules proactively, and be willing to change if the situation changes.
  
• But hasty or drastic changes are not necessary and might lead to turmoil.
  
• Some of the Montessorian ideas for presentations of learning tools can be used to present new habits and procedures. The idea is preparation and patience with repetition.
  
• Don't make yourself crazy about it; your own comfort level needs to be respected too. Just be willing to understand your child's perspective and work with the situation so that it is as easy as possible for him to do things in a good way.

Strategies:

Do you have an obstacle going on, a rule or habit that doesn't seem to be sinking in with your child, or a poor attitude? You can make a list, or just notice them as they come up.

1. Consider the principle behind the rule (Dorothy Canfield Fisher gives the example of cleaning up after oneself -- it is agreeable to the community to have all of its members helping to maintain order and cleanliness).
2. Start from where the child is.
   
3. If you can figure out some sort of simple key phrase or object lesson to represent your reasoning process, it can make it easier for the child to remember and understand.
   
4. Figure out how to make the action easy for the child by (1) demonstrating the method several times before actually expecting results (2) supporting the child by giving him user-friendly tools and plenty of encouragement.
5. Start with a high level of support, plenty of patient repetition as needed, and then slowly back off as the child seems more ready to take over for himself.
6. Look for win/wins.
7. Don't forget to laugh. This probably should actually come first. Read the "Anne" books by LM Montgomery. Those are great models for perspective in parenting through all the glitches.
   

Example:

Aidan used to take baths frequently because of his sensory processing needs. He would take off his clothes and fling them all over the bathroom, even near the toilet. Since he was immune-compromised, I worried about the germs from the toilet. So I taught him to put his clothes on the shelf next to the bathtub.

It was boring for me to keep reminding him until he learned, so we made it into a sort of joke/chant -- hard to explain unless you know Aidan and his love for joking and little catch phrases. Eventually HE would repeat the little catch phrase as he put his clothes there, and finally he remembered completely by himself and took pride in his ability to do this. Since verbal affirmation is also important to him, I would warmly congratulate him when he succeeded, until it became such a natural thing that he didn't look for this kind of thing anymore.

Something that I need to work on now:

Uh, teaching a child to clean up after himself? It's always been a challenge for me to teach my kids this. They usually hit their early teen years and more or less figure it out for themselves, finally. I guess they realize that it is for the common good and also that if they put their own things away carefully, their prized possessions don't get stuffed in a box and shoved in a closet, or ruined by younger siblings. But there are some pretty messy years in early childhood.

Montessori Manual: Avoiding Near Occasions

I wrote last time about the way Dorothy Canfield Fisher, in her book The Montessori Manual for Parents and Teachers, thinks parents can inadvertently train their children to disobey. One of the primary ways is to give them a command that they are incapable of carrying out, and that was the focus of the last post. Now for the alternative methods for encouraging obedience -- there are four that she mentioned, so I'm going to post them separately because otherwise the post would be immensely long:

First. -- To so arrange his life that there shall be few needs to issue commands.

A child's natural desire is to behave well; when he does not, there is usually some reason for the misbehavior. He is over-stressed, or there is something in his environment that is desirable but not allowed for him. He is inexperienced, and does not understand that what he wants to do hurts himself or others around him. Just telling a small child that something is not allowed is not usually enough for him to really "know" the truth, because small children are concrete and usually need repetition to understand how things work. It takes several years before they can actually pause before they act and think about what it might mean to themselves or to others.

Sure, children have fallen human natures like everyone else but young children, before school age, are not at the age of reason, which is a prerequisite for true sin. Their "naughtiness" may be a symptom of imperfection but it is not culpable in the way similar behavior would be for a given adult (and don't most adults have their moments of acting just like little kids? I know I do).

So one way to minimize naughtiness is by arranging the child's life to keep "near occasions" to a minimum. This is a reward in itself and also leads to better things. For example, a child who is playing well is furthering his own development, while a child locked in a power struggle is exhausting himself and the people around him. Aquinas says that emotion affects learning. Positive emotion enhances it, while strong negative emotion leaches it away. There are storms in a child's life that no one could possibly predict or forestall, unless the parents were superhuman. It's not our task to take these all away. But certainly parents can work towards avoiding the unnecessary, unavoidable ones that cause bad behavior.

For instance, Mrs Fisher says, it is possible to avoid a lot of "naughtiness" simple by avoiding occasions where the child is forced outside himself, outside his normal comfort zone. For example, some of the things that make it difficult for a child to behave well are: being shown off to other adults (forced to entertain at a party, for example), being dragged to activities which don't have much in them suitable to the child's nature.... that are oriented towards older children or adults, or too chaotic to handle. In other words, it's best to make sure as far as possible that the child's small strength of will isn't tested. Hunger and tiredness are two other things I can think of that make it hard for a child to behave well. And I have noticed particularly with my extroverted child that he really needs intervals of stable, reassuring "mom time" between periods of play with siblings or friends. Quiet time talking or playing little games or reading a book together restore his will and emotional equilibrium. If I don't come in and out of his daily life a bit, his behavior tends to disintegrate.

When there is no choice but to make difficulties for a child (say, if he is in church and simply needs to be reasonably quiet) then she recommends realizing the difficulty he is in and treating the problem simply and calmly. Enforce obedience, yes, but strive to avoid the emotional overtones (this is VERY difficult for me because I get humiliated by disruptions in public places). I think there is no worse way to aggravate a small child who instinctively KNOWS he is being asked for a lot, to be treated like he is a disappointment or a "bad child" just for acting within his nature.

Plus, as Charlotte Mason says, small children have a very active sense of sin. Some children put up barriers when they know their behavior is not pleasant in the eyes of their loved ones. They seem indifferent, but I don't think they generally are. So helping them be pleasant is a worthwhile occupation. Children who have "difficult" personalities often get less positive feedback from those they love. This can become a factor in discouragement and resentment which makes the child less likely to try in future. To me this seems like a reason to quickly isolate unpleasantness. ... to deal with the behavior quickly and decisively and in whatever style comes naturally to the parent, but to keep it as concrete and geared to the immediate occasion as possible. A bit of sympathy along with the firmness can be helpful. After all, being good in times of trial is a heroic achievement and even if the young child doesn't quite succeed, any effort is a positive sign.

Strategy

• avoid when possible occasions where the child is stretched beyond endurance. This will differ somewhat from child to child, so studying your child is important, but generally hunger, tiredness, over-stimulation, boredom, or lots of temptations in the environment (say a place where normal child activity can't be allowed) are triggers for misbehavior.

Possible Application:

• Look for a "problem spot" in your child's life.... some area where he has a pattern of misbehaving. Then try to figure out how to proactively avoid the problem (this is mostly talking about children below the age of reason, as you've noticed).

A Personal Example:

In my 6 year old's life, one trouble spot is that he gets wrapped up in playing and then doesn't notice his hunger signals until he is VERY hungry. Then he either lashes out at his playmate, or runs to me and imperatively, sometimes in tears, demands food right NOW. This recurrent habit could possibly be minimized if I paid attention to the time and had his snack ready to eat already, or if I set the kitchen up so he could fix a snack for himself and then reminded him at the proper time. So I'll give that a try and see if it helps.

A Note:

Remember that there are some things that are just going to be tough no matter what. For example, I used to have to take all three of my small children -- ages 4, 2, and 1 -- grocery shopping. It's unlikely that this will become an altogether pleasant, serene experience for most people no matter what. Dorothy Canfield Fisher would say that this is just the sort of situation to try to avoid if possible.

If you can't avoid it, you can generate strategies to make it a bit easier depending on what the "triggers" are. I used to shop with a friend who didn't have children. She didn't mind helping me out in dealing with restlessness, cravings and that sort of thing. Other strategies were: keeping it short, keeping snacks in my purse for the baby and toddler, getting my older child involved in the shopping procedure, and making distinctions between "normal" child rowdiness vs real problem behavior that involved defiance.

The task with these activities is to
(1) review principles of good behavior ahead of time
(2) recognize that this is very hard for the children
(3) make it as easy as possible for them to be obedient
(4) try to stay engaged and positive
(5) and try to get over it as fast as possible, if it was bad... spend some time reconnecting later (kids are good at doing this themselves, but some moms have a hard time forgiving and letting go -- I am a melancholic myself so I have to consciously remind myself to move on.)

Human Dignity in Children

"The first thing to do, in the consideration of the obedience of children, is to differentiate clearly in our minds between the obedience that is desirable for an animal, and that which is desirable for the young of the human race. We are apt to be confused here, and to have a misunderstood notion that children should obey, unquestioningly, passively, with no volition of their own, as does a well-broken horse.

But such unquestioning obedience, as a moment's reflection will show, is a very dangerous mental habit for a child to acquire, as well as a very difficult one to force him to acquire. The horse may obey unquestioningly some human being; he will always have some human being set in authority over him. But in a very few years, as human life goes, the child will be grown; will no longer be subject to the authority of parents, and must in turn be able to secure the obedience of others. It is essential, therefore, that he shall begin to be a human being -- that is, to obey intelligently -- as soon as possible.

What do we mean by the phrase "obey intelligently?" We mean he must obey, not because some one has told him to andd will punish him if he does not, for that is the obedience exacted of the animal; but he will obey because the command is a reasonable one, which his reason tells him it is necessary to obey."

This is another excerpt from The Montessori Manual for Teachers and Parents.

She goes on to say that of course, one can't expect reasoned obedience from a very small child.

"Babies under eighteen months must be forced to obey, if the occasion rises, as other little unreasonable animals are forced.... but, as this is a very bad method of obtaining obedience, the occasions for requiring obedience should be sedulously avoided, as much as is reasonably possible. "

Parents inadvertently foster disobedience by unreasonable commands:

"Parents, in their great anxiety to avoid that utter abomination, a disobedient child, often are entirely unreasonable in their demands on very young children. You would not dream of asking your 2 year old son to do a sum in arithmetic; and yet you tell him peremptorily to do that far harder thing, "Do keep still for a minute!" He cannot keep still for a minute at that age, and to issue that command to him means simply that you yourself are initiating him into the meaning of disobedience."

This reminds me of Charlotte Mason who says that parents should never make a command that they don't intend to see carried out to the utmost. Though I've known moms to misunderstand this dictum of Charlotte Mason's and think it means that one's command ought to be escalated to the level of an all scale power struggle, she in fact says, and I take it to mean, that one must be very restrained and careful in commands -- never making a command unless one knows it is in the power of the child to carry it out. By "in the power", I mean more than within sheer physical capability; I mean that the child is able to muster his own will or training in habit to obey without a terrible physical and emotional strain.

Later, Charlotte Mason says, you can:

when he is old enough, take the child into confidence; let him know what a noble thing it is to be able to make himself do, in a minute, and brightly, the very thing he would rather not do.

To secure this habit of obedience, the mother must exercise great self-restraint; she must never give a command which she does not intend to see carried out to the full. And she must not lay upon her children burdens, grievous to be borne, of command heaped upon command.

Another thing that Dorothy Canfield Fisher brings out, that is also emphasized by Charlotte Mason, is that commands ought never to be the whim of the parents:

"Our children should understand that their duty is not to obey our personal wishes, because we happen to be their parents, but to obey eternal laws which we represent and expound and enforce. To take an instance, familiar to all of us, which comes into our everyday experience: Children should not, any more than they can help, be "messy" over their meals..... Why should they not do these things? Simply because their parents forbid it? Not at all Because it is their duty, as members of a community, to make the common life as agreeable, as easy, and as economically conducted as possible."

Now I can think of a possible objection to this -- that obedience, while it should be as much as possible "free" obedience in order to be virtuous, should not be contingent upon an immature reasoning process. That is, the parents ought not have to wait patiently upon the child's acceptance of a command as personally "reasonable." Small children don't reason impartially because this is not their developmental focus at this time. They will argue, yes, but their arguments will be in the service of getting their needs met. This used to confuse me when all my children were very small, and I've seen it confuse other moms -- I've seen moms try to "reason" with a very small, determined child, which is of course almost entirely useless and gives the wrong message, that authority has to convince and plead and persuade. And it often makes the child frantic, for good reason; as Jean Liedloff writes in Who's in Control?, it throws the child upon his own resources and sets up an internal confusion, because the child wants to learn from the world around him:

It appears that many parents of toddlers, in their anxiety to be neither negligent nor disrespectful, have gone overboard in what may seem to be the other direction.....she appears to the tot not to know how to behave, to be lacking in confidence and, even more alarmingly, looking for guidance from him, a two or three year old who is relying on her to be calm, competent, and sure of herself.

I think both Charlotte Mason and Dorothy Fisher provide for this, too. They do not say that every small child should always "see" a command as reasonable; merely that it should be reasonable in itself. And they both say that authority should be restrained and planned for the good of the child, and his ultimate ability to do right reasonably and of his own volition. Authority should not be exploited for the convenience of the stronger person; it does a disservice to itself and to the people concerned on both sides when it is harsh and arbitrary.

Overall, most families and most children have a lot of times in their lives when there is no conflict, no need to think about authority or obedience. During those times, it's like the air we breathe; we only have to think about it when it's in short supply or somehow tainted. When there is a problem, as with poor air supply, there is usually a two-sided solution -- make the good easier and more available, and make the bad more difficult and less accessible. This means different things at different ages and in different situations, obviously. Mrs Fisher talks more in detail about it in the Montessori Manual, but that's probably for another post as this one has already gone quite long.

retreat to quiet -- for little children

"The mother should make the most careful distinction between the conscious, willful action of a child, and the sort of wild irritability which results in "naughty" actions, but which is the result itself of nervous fatigue, due to injudicious treatment."

from The Montessori Manual by Dorothy Canfield Fisher.
(By the way, I liked this book, one of the clearest and most practical I've read about the Montessori Method; I was regretting that I would have to give it back to the library and it is fairly expensive at secondhand, but the link above takes you to a public domain pdf of the work. Dorothy Canfield Fisher is the author of Understood Betsy).

This passage reminded me a lot of my just six year old. He's a bit more of a live wire than his siblings were, and because he is the youngest and born into a very busy large family he's been "scrambled up" (in Mrs Pepper's words) a bit more than the others were in their time. When over-stimulated by excitement, sugar or just being tired or stressed, he is very likely to act "naughty" or just plain over-the-top silly. In either case, you can almost see his conscious will get locked down as his wild self takes over.

The remedy suggested in the Montessori book is quietness. Not discipline, not a head to head confrontation. Simply taking the child off to a peaceful place, say a darkened room and letting him have a chance to calm down before he returns to his general life. He can have a blanket if he wants, or hugs, or some toys to play with quietly. I sometimes read to or just cuddle and "connect" with the child. It is in no way to be thought of as a punishment. Dorothy Fisher says that a child over time will start realizing his own need for this restoration and sometimes will ask to go to rest in order to avoid naughtiness.

Of course, it is better to catch the child before he actually does something wrong. It's usually fairly easy to see when a child is getting worked up but if you are busy doing something else or for whatever reason don't have access to a quiet peaceful place, it is much more difficult to prevent escalation. This is where I've been falling down on the job recently. Because I am psychologically in a different season of life in some ways, having no babies or very little children around, I am tempted to simply ignore the rising emotion and keep going about what I am doing. Then of course, the wave breaks and Paddy ends up hitting or shouting a rude name at a sibling or getting locked into a struggle of wills.

This can easily be forestalled by my own vigilance and preventive efforts; and it ought to be, because when a child is allowed to "go over the top" like this he gets into a habit of doing it and is no longer distressed by it. I think that children don't necessarily like to be out of control and naughty, any more than they naturally like to be dirty, but if they get used to it, it acquires a certain pleasure of its own.

Mrs Fisher recommends a peaceful, homebased life for a small child. She remarks that when a child is out shopping with mother or being taken from activity to activity it is very difficult NOT to become over-stimulated and naughty, and there is usually no way for the child to escape into peace and restoration. It is unfair to the child to be disciplined for something that comes from an overload he is incapable of controlling.

I think it would be difficult for most families of today to stick to the kind of quiet life she recommends, but it is interesting that Charlotte Mason recommends much the same thing, "a quiet unhurried growing time for children under the age of six". So even if a child does have to go to various stores and activities in the course of family life it may be wise to think about ways to contrive little retreats and escapes from stimulation for a child who tends to get overstressed by these things.

Guided Freedom and Self-Education

These Elementary Workplans from Montessori for Everyone remind me of the Windy Creek Homeschool goal sheets and logs that I found way back after reading Patchwork of Days. I like the way they are set up so that it is easy for the children to "own" their work and choose within a structure. It was apparently successful since the Lande kids (who sounded very bright to start with) excelled academically and in other ways as well.

Speaking of that, there was an interesting conversation in the comments box of the 6th Charlotte Mason Carnival. It was in regard to this post by Dana at Principled Discovery.

My daughter is only nine. In an effort to begin moving her toward greater independence in her learning, we purchased a planner in which we outline the lessons together at the end of each week. It began as a sort of exercise in letting her see how I plan our days, letting her see the goals we had and (hopefully) a way for her to see that school was not just about copywork. It was about all the other things she enjoys about her day. Three weeks ago, she asked me if she could “do school” on her own.

With some trepidation, I assented.

The post goes on to tell how her daughter took a long time to get done with everything at first, but gradually realized the value of staying on task and getting the work done in the morning.

My own children aren't generally able to take over the schedule at age nine, at least not for more than 3 days at a time, but we do try to gradually work towards independence and by age 12 or 13, generally, the child is pretty self-motivated. By their last couple of years of highschool they are almost completely independent scholars who often make their own adaptations to the syllabus (good ones, not "easy-making" ones).

Dana says this is one of the benefits of homeschooling, that makes up for whatever the lack may be in "teacher expertise". This has been true in this homeschool, too.

Also, from reading Montessori for Everyone, it looks like Montessori schools let the children devise their own workplans for January. This sounds somewhat like the way my family used to beat the February blues. We would call February "Teach Yourself" month, after Agnes Leistico's book "I Learn Better by Teaching Myself."

Charlotte Mason says in Philosophy of Education:

"Education," said Lord Haldane, some time ago, "is a matter of the spirit,"––no wiser word has been said on the subject, and yet we persist in applying education from without as a bodily activity or emollient. We begin to see light. No one knoweth the things of a man but the spirit of a man which is in him; therefore, there is no education but self-education, and as soon as a young child begins his education he does so as a student. Our business is to give him mind-stuff, and both quality and quantity are essential. Naturally, each of us possesses this mind-stuff only in limited measure, but we know where to procure it; for the best thought the world possesses is stored in books; we must open books to children, the best books; our own concern is abundant provision and orderly serving.

Miscellaneous Montessori

Kim shared this link to photos of Montessori presentations quite a long time ago on the Real Learning board. I found it when I was googling "presentations." If you are interested in Montessori but have not seen it in action, like me, you might find it helpful. Serendipity!

There are more photos, in The Montessori Method (online book, scroll down)

Also, I found this catalog.

Here is a nice article about starting off using Montessori methods.