The next part of Women and Fatigue rather disappointed me. It was about fatigue stemming from emotional conflict and difficulties, so I was thinking that it would get to the “heart” of the matter. But instead it turned out to be a bit of a manifesto for feminism and a rant against our patriarchal system that ranks women as inferiors and forces them into a sort of ghetto where relationships and certain “feminine” standards are the measure of the woman’s self-respect.
This just does not ring with my life experience at all and so it was rather puzzling and unsatisfying to read. For instance, I didn’t have a background of being pushed into a “wife and mom” role — in fact, rather the opposite. I could see little grains of truth here and there. For instance, it rang true that it’s sometimes more difficult to feel validated by work that our society doesn’t validate (ie mothering and house management) and that can’t be easily measured in terms of money or prestige or concrete output. So I can see that this could lead to an energy drain which needs to be thoughtfully dealt with. But the book seemed to go further and say that this is a sign that this kind of work actually IS more marginal than a paid career. It argued that women in paid careers are happier and less fatigued than women who stay at home (which was questionable, to me, but if it were true it could be simply because it is counter-cultural). At the same time, the book also made the case that many women are forced to work. The effect was a bit patchy logically; it made me feel that the author was a bit wrapped up in a particular agenda because she seemed to be proclaiming the rueful necessity and desireability of a career in spite of and in cure of chronic fatigue.
The whole subject of how mothers can balance professional and home lives is a complex one. I personally think the whole idea of parents having to go away from their homes is a relatively new one in history; my husband and I both work at home though he is the primary breadwinner — we’ve allowed an income drop for the sake of this, because it’s a priority for us, but obviously others may have different solutions to the problem of making a family life “work” in today’s world). And we do presently exist on one rather meagre income even with seven children, one in college. So it can be done.
Anyway, I don’t doubt that it has an effect on women’s fatigue levels — the fatigue that comes from juggling several roles and often doing more than one’s share of the housework and parenting, and the fatigue that comes from isolation and the constant “on-task” nature of being the stay at home primary caretaker of children. The author says rightly that we are in a period of transition and transition times bring stresses and consequently fatigue. I just think she addressed this in too limited and scattered a fashion.
For this reason there wasn’t that much useful advice in there for me except an awareness that I ought to be aware of the energy losses that can come with ambivalence and/or emotional stress. There was wisdom too in the advice that it’s important for one’s energy level to take control of one’s life — to make conscious, mindful choices rather than feel or be pushed into things because of exterior pressures.
(Further reading: Moonshadow on The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars. The Learning Umbrella also has a review of the Mommy Wars book.)
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