The next section of the book was on dealing with losses of different types. Major life events such as illness, moves, job changes, death or parting with loved ones, and divorce bring with them stress, and stress and fatigue are strongly associated. Of course, this is natural and normal. But sometimes, we have a tendency to try to stuff down, deny, or get past our grief quickly, which turns out often to be counter-productive.
So the advice here is to do the “work” of grief. My best friend is a family therapist who has taught me a lot especially by example about how important it is to do that work and progress through the stages. I have to recognize that regularly in my life since I have a tendency to try to stuff down the grief of any kind of loss. Which is fine in the short run if that’s the best way to cope with the crisis — it’s just important to acknowledge that this isn’t all there is to it, that the work has just been postponed.
The book covered several kinds of loss: loss associated with aging, like illness or menopause; loss from personal events like divorce or disaster; and death or major illness of relatives. These losses involve not only the loss of the thing or person, but also a change in one’s identity or view of oneself or standing, which can be very demoralizing. If a person is still going through one of these things, it is natural to be fatigued of course, and the fatigue can be explained and managed. Fatigue can come after the fact, too, if the grieving process is not yet complete.
She points out that it is important to respect the fatigue — to make time for the grieving process, to maintain both intimate friendships and the wider circle of casual friendships. Both, she says, have been shown to be of importance to the grieving person. Networking and support groups can be very helpful and fortunately, in today’s world there are support groups for almost any specific kind of problem or concern.
In general, while the grieving “work” is going on, you need to treat it as work and allow time and energy and thought to spare on it, and not try to rush through it.
Sometimes, grief and loss can end up manifested as depression, or sometimes depression can come seemingly from nowhere. Chronic depression is similar in some way to the temporary and normal depression associated with grief, but it lasts longer and affects life in a more permanent way. There is a checklist in the book that asks about things like changes in appetite, sleep, suicidal thoughts, etc. Here’s a similar checklist online.
I tend to go through depressive cycles. I would consider them mild bouts of depression by what I’ve read of others, but still quite uncomfortable to me. Exercise has been highly recommended by several of you who comment on my blog, and so has cutting the caffeine. I’ve done the second and am planning how to accomplish the first. So thanks 
. Also cutting the sugar and chocolate though I’m not sure if anyone actually dared mention that one. I didn’t say eliminate, just cut. We’ll see how it goes. There’s probably a “taking control” aspect of modifying one’s habits that is invigorating in itself. But still, that’s a bonus even if it has a certain placebo aspect to it — mind you, I’m not saying it’s ONLY a placebo!
She says that depression can sometimes be gotten through with the help of one’s own support systems, but if it is too severe and unmanageable or continues for a long time, seeing a doctor is a very good idea. I don’t think she added this last part, but I would think that depression could indicate a medical problem. I have some friends with thyroid issues or who have experienced post partum depression, so their depressions are related to their hormonal imbalances.
Nature and interesting hobbies also help as remedies for depression, I hear!
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