Vocation and Consequences

From Letters to a Young Catholic by George Weigel:

Faith has consequences...That's an old Catholic idea, nowhere more clearly expressed than by the great English historian Christopher Dawson, reflecting on the fact that one of the most decisive moments in European history was completed ignored by historians of the time: "When St Paul, in obedience to the warning of a dream, set sail from Troy in AD 49 and came to Philippi in Macedonia he did more to change the course of history than the great battle that had decided the fate of the Roman Empire on the same spot a century earlier, for he brought to Europe the seed of a new life which was ultimately destined to create a new world. All this took place underneath the surface of history, so that it was unrecognized by the leaders of contemporary culture...who actually saw it taking place beneath their eyes."Underneath the surface of history" -- that's where Catholic faith has its deepest consequences. Yes, the Catholic Church appears time and again on the "surface" of history. But what's often of more enduring consequences is taking place below the radar-screen, as it were. It's happening in minds and hearts and souls, in vocational choices and decisions. What (does this) have to do with you...? I hope it encourages you to think vocationally, rather than in terms of "career". A career is something you have, and if those ubiquitous "career planners" are right, you may have two, three, or four of them in a lifetime. It's much more important, though, to think about vocation. For "a vocation is something you are"

Weigel goes on to mention Father Jerzy Popieluszko, a quiet scholarly priest who became a martyr in communist Poland, and another great Pole, Pope John Paul II, who changed the course of history by living out the truth of who he was.

This reminds me a bit of another book I have just finished reading, Out of the Silent Planet by CS Lewis. An article I remember reading a long time ago made the point that the main character, Ransom, is plunged into a series of adventures he cannot even imagine, and why? Because he does what is right for him to do in his circumstances. A philology professor out on a walking tour in a distant part of England, he inquires at a house after a retarded boy as a civility to the boy's worried mother. As he approaches the house:

A peculiar noise was going on -- a scuffling, irregular noise, vaguely reminsicent of a football scrum. He stood up. The noise was unmistakable by now. People in boots were fighting or wrestling or playing some game. They were shouting too. He could not make out the words but he heard the monosyllabic barking ejaculations of men who are angry and out of breath. The last thing Ransom wanted was an adventure, but a conviction that he ought to investigate the matter was already growing upon him when a much louder cry rang out in which he could distinguish the words, "Let me go. Let me go," and then a second later, "I'm not going in there. Let me go home."

In the story, Ransom gets involved not because he wants to but because he is convinced it is the only right thing he can do, and the result is that possibly three worlds including our own are saved from damage and even destruction.

For some reason, this thought that vocation comes calling, so to speak, is a reassuring one to me. Weigel says that Karol Wojtyla, living in post-WWII Poland, did not choose to become a priest and devote his life to God. He had planned to become an actor/scholar. Rather, he felt strongly that the priesthood chose him, that he had received a call.

This helps me avoid the Mother of Perpetual Responsibility heresy that Jane so acutely labelled -- the idea that somehow, the fate of my children rests on my shoulders. Sure, I have to do my best, poor as it is sometimes. But God doesn't need ME to take on His role. He can do the calling Himself. If I encourage my children by teaching and example to listen for His call like Samuel in the temple, like Jesus's holy Mother Mary, I can let Him do the rest. Whether it is a country or a civilization or several that ends up being affected, or just their own tiny corner of society.

So yes, faith has consequences and I need to have the kind of faith that prepares for, but does not try to control, every future possibility.

Carinival of Homeschooling #30

Schoolhouse Rock edition at The Lilting House

Caelum et Terra

In Crunchy Cons, I came across a mention of someone called Maclin Horton. I liked the way he wrote, so I looked up the now defunct magazine that Rod Dreher mentioned in the book, called Caelum et Terra. It turns out the magazine has morphed into a blog. One of the contributors is Regina Doman. I do not know her beyond in the "friend of a friend of a friend" line, but have loved her writing for years and have grieved for her loss and said many prayers for her family.

Speaking of Crunchy Cons, Gilbert Meilander of First Things liked it less than I did. Here's a discussion of some of the issues that have been raised which have not even been on my radar screen up till now. The New Pantagruel is another one of the magazines mentioned in the book. I will reserve my own opinions about the book for another time, since I just finished reading it last night, but these connections alone made it worth the reading even if the rest had been junk, which it wasn't..... just a bit frustrating, sometimes.

Other References:
Acton Institute, a website I discovered when looking for high school reading for my oldest several years back.
Russell Kirk -- another FoFoF connection whose writing I have been much influenced by through the years-- and my son's godparents live in Michigan near the Kirk Center and their daughter works there on and off.

There is enough reading and thinking there to last for a long time! Caelum et terra, indeed.... and the sanctorum communionem which the internet makes so vividly real (Liam and I have been saying the Rosary in Latin; I love those beautiful and thought-provoking phrases)

Now I'm reading Letters to a Young Catholic. The author, George Weigel, mentions another long-time favorite of mine, Flannery O'Connor -- the very first chapter of his book is called The Habit of Being, in direct reference to her writing. I know from reading one of her letter anthologies that she met Russell Kirk once. Wow, and here's a blog If Flannery Had a Blog devoted to writings "by and about her" which looks a bit like Amy's blog devoted to Charlotte Mason's writing: A Full Life

Finally, I heard about Flannery O'Connor first in a college class called CS Lewis and Friends (here's a daily CS Lewis reading blog) which is also where I first heard about GK Chesterton (here's a "what if GKC had a blog" blog of daily GKC quotes). Thinking about it, I suppose that class was directly instrumental in my conversion. Which brings me back full circle, I suppose, so I'll stop here, though I am sure I could keep going.

Relationships and Creativity

Interesting post on Creativity by Andrea at Atypical Homeschooling and a follow-up by JoVE at Tricotomania -- The Absolute Necessity of Stash.

JoVE makes a distinction in this post between product and importance. Not everything of value has to have a "product". Some things are valuable in themselves. She develops the idea in another post, Radical Thoughts on Work.

Instead of limiting our political demands to a recognition of the "work" aspects of play and mothering, we need to upset more people's notions of what is really important. We should be arguing for the value of play (for everyone: adults and children) and for the value of relationships (all kinds: romantic, parenting, friendship, extended family, etc.) and the rebalancing of life so that work is not taking up such a big chunk of everyone's time and energy. If work were not so overvalued, and play and relationships so undervalued, our society would be a much nicer place.

This reminds me of a book I read several years back, that I would like to read again if I could find it in my yet-to-be-organized piles of books. Leisure: The Basis of Culture by Joseph Pieper. Here's a summary. When we devote ourselves too entirely to the idea of "work" defined as productive output, we limit our personal meaning to the economic sphere. It's not that the economic sphere is unimportant -- it's that there is more to life, and the "more" is often the longlasting, meaningful part. You've probably heard the story of the Mexican fisherman. The most meaningful things in life are those that can't be bought or traded or sold. But they can be collected and cherished, and they can be the basis for the interaction between "things" and "thought" that seems to be the basis for creativity.

A longtime cyber-friend of mine has a whole blog devoted to one aspect of this thought:
It is About the Journey. The destination is important, of course; but HOW you get there and WHY you are going there is sometimes overlooked.

This also seems to relate a bit to Elegant Simplicity. Simplicity is an important aspect of elegance, but simplicity is not the same as mere efficiency or functionality. And elegance also comprises power and grace. Which brings me back to "stash". I could not rightly call myself a knitter, but the idea of "stash" has resonance to me because it relates to the philosophical concept of "potential". Potential is what an infant human has -- latent power or a capacity for developing into something which it already IS, in essence. A seed is another example of potential. So is a relationship. So in our pursuit of efficiency, it's important not to cast out the very things that make true effectiveness possible. A writer will tell you about all the richness of ideas that go into a finished literary work. Lots of them discarded, lots of them channelled into a form very different from the original, but all of them necessary to lay the ground for that final work.

Persuasion

Clare and I watched Persuasion. A sweet story, and both the little ones fell asleep; a very rare mother-daughter time with nothing else on the agenda except dinner baking in the oven. She is presently reading through my old Jane Austen collection.

Brendan and I have finished reading Beowulf. The tentative plan is to go on to Witness to Hope, the biography of John Paul II which comprises most of the major events of the 20th century.

I got Kieron an inexpensive snorkelling set and he is having fun exploring our pool. Both he and Sean say that they can swim now. Encouraging because a month ago Sean was telling me “I’m not the kind of person who’s good at swimming,” and this kind of thing fits into my family’s introverted pattern of excluding things from their definition of themselves when they are not sufficiently at ease with them. So the solution seems to be to put them in a situation where the accomplishment comes naturally to them.

The Pool is Up

Here, in the mountains above California’s central valley, we are seeing unusually hot temperatures. Kevin made the garage shelves with Aidan’s help and then dug out a flat space for the pool (with a bit of help from Sean and Brendan). Then Kieron was put on guard while the pool filled, which took about an hour. I brought him a chair and he read Voyage of the Dawn Treader and Adventures of Prickly Porky while he sat there.

Later on Clare and Liam and I were saying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy when we heard happy shrieks coming from below the deck. Clare ran to look — it was Aidan shrieking, as he tested out the pool with Kevin in there helping him “swim”. I brought Paddy out, but the coldness and depth of the water gave him a shock and his whole intention after that was to get back out as fast as possible. We got him to “swim” a bit so he wouldn’t feel too abject once he was out, which made me feel a bit uncomfortable but turned out to be a good choice since when he got out he became rather proud of himself.

Kieron got in too and ended up spending most of the afternoon in there. Kevin assigned Brendan the building of the ladder. He was bashing them around and getting frustrated but ended up doing a perfectly competent job, even though he grumbled about how inadequate he is at these things. Sigh…. this negativity is something I wish he would outgrow.

I BBQ’d hamburgers and corn on the cob on the deck — it was SO hot. I don’t really like water that much but I stepped into the pool for a few minutes to cool off. Then, of course, Paddy wanted to go in. I tried to talk him out of it — reverse psychology ALWAYS works with him. He really wanted to come in. But I didn’t want to hold him and get wetter than I already was. So finally I put a deck chair in the pool and that worked — he was only submerged up to knee length when he stood, which was perfect, and he could pretend he was in a boat and Kieron was the evil eel trying to pull him down.

After we got out Kevin and the older boys put a tarp over the pool but even our largest one wasn’t big enough. They struggled for a little while. Shortly after that, the wind started moving the trees and we heard thunder. The temperature dropped 23 degrees within a few minutes. There was a wild golden light in the trees. The power went out, then back on, then out again. Soon we were in the midst of a good thunderstorm. We opened as many doors and windows as we could to let in the good cold wind, and the teenagers stayed outside on the deck to let the rain hit them.

Eventually the power went back on and we hastened to the computer to print out our stories for the story club meeting! Aidan and Paddy were both falling asleep at the table as we had the meeting. Clare put them in her sweaters since they were both shivering. So cute!

Liam and I played classical guitar duets this afternoon, too, and he told another Latin story for me to write down and try to translate. While we were going over what I’d written he discovered some syntactical errors he had made. So this procedure works for both of us — he is composing in Latin and reviewing so he will be up to speed this fall when he starts college again, and I am learning some newish constructions and vocabulary.

Kieron is so excited about his story. He keeps telling me plot points and how he envisions the characters. Clare suggested that he start a blog to publish the chapters. We’ll see what happens.

Hmm, it looks like the little icon for putting in links is not here, anymore. Wonder if the loss is temporary or if I’ll have to figure out another way to do the URLs.

There are still books all over the house as I continue sorting and labelling and discarding.

What We've Been Doing

This past week has been full. The older kids have been filming their movie almost every day. The younger kids are spending a lot of the day outside. Sean has had football camp, except that on the last day he got some stomach bug and stayed home. Kevin bought a soft-sided pool when he went to town to get Sean’s cleats. He planned to set it up on the deck but underestimated its size; when he got it home he found that its capacity was 1800 gallons and its diameter is 12 feet. Physically it would fit on the deck but as far as weight-bearing goes, it’s too much of a risk. So he and the boys have been levelling out some ground behind our house.

I have been organizing books. Right now the house is completely trashed. I’m moving one of the bookshelves upstairs from the downstairs hall.

I have a system now where the little kids watch a video or play a video game while I take a nap every afternoon. That gives them their electronic time but not in excess. Under these conditions, the exhaustion is manageable and I can actually do things the rest of the day. Also, limiting simple carbs is helping a bit.

Clare is at mass down in the foothills singing in the choir. It’s supposed to be 110 degrees down there today and in the near future. It’s actually up to 90 here which is rare.

We had to take the cat to the vet this Wednesday. When we came back from the trip Brendan told us that a small raw patch on its ear had grown and extended to its neck. When the vet saw it, she said, “Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like that.” Oops, not a good sound! The whole-scale treatment with biopsy under anesthesia would be about 600 dollars; but the minimal treatment was a bit over 100$, still way more than we’d like to spend. The vet is speculating that it’s some kind of auto-immune disease. GREAT. The cat has been a trooper, as cats go, about twice a day betadine scrubs, 3 daily doses of oral medicine, and application of triple-screen cream. I have to alternate kids to help me by holding the animal so I can concentrate on getting the medicine into the mouth. If you do it wrong, a cat will foam, which is startling. It happened at the vet’s which was good, otherwise I would have panicked when it happened here once.

Aidan takes quite an interest. At the vet’s office he couldn’t stop laughing. I think it was because it was such a relief and novelty seeing a cat get doctored rather than himself. At home he consoles the cat cheerfully, “There, you’re done! that wasn’t so bad. Good job!” kind of thing.

Liam took a walk with Aidan so I could work on my story. So I did. Oh and also, Kieron (age 10) has started a new story and worked till midnight on it yesterday. He kept coming into the closet where I was sorting books to tell me plot points or ask for advice. He is so thrilled about it. His writing has definitely improved and he is really thinking like a writer –making decisions about the pacing, about how to vary the emotional tone, things like that. It is neat to hear him talk about these things. He is more transparent and judicial than the other kids were at that age. They kept their writing decisions private, as did I when I was young. He has an interesting mind — he can stand back from its workings. I think that’s probably why he always had such an easy time with the more formal academics. He naturally thinks in different layers of abstraction. Hard to describe.
Clare got some swing videos from the library.

Having books all over the furniture has led naturally to some pick-up reading. Paddy and Aidan and Kieron, especially. So that’s good.

I just read Surviving the Applewhites.

I am starting to plan for next year. I’d like to have some loose goals and a few strategies in place.

Recap of Trip

I wanted to write down a quick reprise of our trip last week since I ALWAYS forget the details and wish I’d at least made an outline for future reference. This was the trip on July 9th to 14th. Here goes:
Sunday, the 9th — left about 9 am and drove north for about 8 hours through the heart of California, in 100 plus heat. We stopped 3 times since we had a passenger with us and I was afraid she’d be too polite to tell us she needed a bathroom break. Arrived at 5 pm and a couple of hours later I left the little ones in the charge of Liam and Clare while I went to see the local reportory theatre version of Sound of Music — one of our friends had a major role in it. I was a bit freaked out by being away from the littlies in a strange place, so much so that I accidentally turned on the voice mail of the cell phone which proceeded to record some part of the musical. Everything was fine though. I am not sure why I think I, me, myself am somehow more able to keep the little ones from harm than Clare and Liam devoting full attention to one child each.

Monday, my friend and I went to preview Pirates of the Caribbean. Honestly, I didn’t enjoy it much though it was fun to be at a movie sans children for the first time in probably, hmm, 15 years?? Then we went to their little town library and drove around for a bit and chatted. When we got back I had to face the sorrow of Clare and Kieron since I decided that Kieron shouldn’t go. I think it was that evening that we went to the lake for a picnic. Aidan swam with an inflatable tire for almost the whole time we were there.
Tuesday, the older kids went to Pirates and we ended up bringing the littler kids to see Cars, chaperoned by Liam who wasn’t really interested in Pirates. This ended up being a busy day because my friend was having a sort of open house for a few moms interested in homeschooling their kids. Since she was busy with the prep and hostessing, I shuttled the kids back and forth to the movies (of course, beginning and ending at different times) but fortunately, the cinema was five minutes away so no big deal. We had ice cream cones which Aidan absolutely loved. In fact, Aidan is such a foodie that he loves being at someone else’s house trying out new dishes. His trade question, “What are you making??”

My eyes were almost swollen shut that day. I assume an environmental reaction but am not sure to what. Anyway, it was mostly gone by the next day and didn’t return.
Wednesday, we went to the local quilt shop… all the girls so this time the boys watched Paddy and Aidan. After that we had a quick lunch and then went to a historical museum where there was a quilt show going on. There was also a working model train which you could start with presssing a button — in fact, two of them in a charming landscape. Aidan loved this and spent most of the time there, as did Paddy. They also enjoyed the rainbow trout hatchery right next to the museum.

Then we went to a lake in a volcanic crater — spectacularly beautiful. We played at the side and went for a shortish hike. The evening — hmm, I don’t remember — I think for some reason that was the night my friend and I stayed up till 2 am. But why was that? Don’t remember.
The next day, Thursday, was a quiet day. We spent the day making soap, or at least the girls did. I did laundry and helped my friend weed a little, and packed. I also took the little ones and Kieron to the grocery store so we could buy snacks and drinks for the trip the next day. That evening the kids went to see the Sound of Music production and I stayed there alone with the two little ones, which was really relaxing EXCEPT that their dog somehow decided to try to break through their screen window — so I had to zip outside to leash him up before he destroyed the thing. But we revisited the chocolate ice cream cones, and Aidan had a long bubble bath, and Paddy watched 101 Dalmatians, and I puttered around tidying up the room I stayed in and the kitchen. Pretty relaxing, but the others came home way late and were pretty tired by the time they went to sleep.

Friday, the next day. we left as soon as we could get going, which wasn’t very soon — it’s difficult to leave friends you know you won’t see for a while. Yet we made good time. It was hot again but didn’t seem quite so hot in the car this time. We stopped twice to fill up with gas and that was about it. It was Friday and no one wanted fish sandwiches so we made do with car snacks rather than stop for fast food as we usually do. Oh yes, we stopped by our local market for a few minutes to get fish sticks and fries for dinner.

It was nice to see Kevin and Brendan again… we were glad to be home. Paddy ran to hug Kevin as soon as he got out of the car.

Our friends have a much more active lifestyle than we do. Partly it’s because they live in a larger town than we do and there are various local activities. Partly it is because their temperaments are more extroverted. But in addition to this, they have a love for beautiful, traditional, personal things — things that are unique and have memories associated with them. If you pick up anything or remark on anything in their house, there is a whole story that comes with it. They have several projects going on, like quilting and scrap-booking.

Our family life is quite different; I am attached to a few little things around the house but most of it is just a delivery platform for some idea or necessity. Maybe this is the difference between Sensory and Intuitive in the personality scales? I can see the benefits of taking Things more seriously. I’m reading Crunchy Cons right now and it talks about the sacramentality involved in real life. Choosing natural food, home cooking, organic products, American-made rather than sweat-shop manufactured; independent living, learning how to improve your own gifts rather than just consuming — I’m still not sure how far I agree with him that this is in all regards a better way, yet, but I can see the beauty and goodness in choosing carefully how to live. I suppose I would just fear that for me, getting caught up in Things, even Good Things, could go too far and get to focusing on the accidentals rather than the essentials. “Do not lay up treasures on earth,….etc” This is something I would like to think about more. So no conclusions here, just pondering.

Tired? Women and Fatigue Part 8

I got a walk in today! Dinner was over, the kids had cleaned up, the little ones were occupied upstairs so I just sneaked quietly out and roamed through the trails around the back of our forest. (Now that I have my camera, I should bring it some time). It was so fun and since we had just had a rain shower that broke the high temperatures, it was cool and beautifully fresh, too. Cindy at Dog Day Afternoons reminded me of my daughter’s motto, taken from Chesterton, about doing things that you love and letting the side benefits come of themselves — in his words: “A man ought to take exercise not because he is too fat, but because he loves foils or horses or high mountains, and loves them for their own sake.”

That’s actually quite a philosophical statement, when you think of it.

This section of the book Women and Fatigue was about medical roots for fatigue. The book points out that fatigue is often the first symptom and sometimes the only symptom of some medical conditions. The author gives a brief summary of several different ones such as: hypothyroid, hyperthyroid, adrenal insufficiency, cardiac problems, respiratory issues (like asthma or allergies, for instance), liver or kidney dysfunction, hypoglycemia, UTIs, STDs, and of course things like cancer. She gives some advice on how to deal with doctors (she is an MD herself,) and mentions studies that show that womens’ symptoms are sometimes treated differently than mens’ similar symptoms when a doctor is consulted. Women are more likely to be told that their fatigue or depression is caused by psychological factors.

The basic advice: be informed, be persistent, keep careful records so that your language when you consult the doctor is clear and confident, not vague and half-apologetic. Ask questions. She gives several examples of women who were found to have treatable conditions that were not immediately apparent during the first tests.

In my case, I have several lifestyle changes I can make. I think that cutting down on simple carbs is probably the one thing that is helping the most. If I can get out for a daily walk I think it would make a big difference.

Now we are up to the epilogue of the book. The author gives a summary of what she learned as she was researching and writing the book. Her opinion is that the major general reason for the problem of women and fatigue is societal. In other words, since we are living in a time of transition for women, where traditional roles are being replaced by new ones, this leads to a lack of restfulness and peace in many ways. Result: fatigue. Women question themselves, they are questioned and sometimes doubted, the medical research is sometimes not focused particularly on womens’ health issues as opposed to those of men. To some extent, we are operating on trial and error.

She says she foresees that in the near future, more and more children will be going to daycare and more women as well as men will be working outside of the home. But she does not think change will end there. The next phase will be that more and more women AND men will work in the home by telecommuting, using the new information and communication technology. Work will become much more flexible in terms of hours and geography. Hmm, this is much closer to what I personally would see as a good thing. In some ways, something like this has already happened with education. Homeschooling is so easy nowadays — with a computer and a library card and your community, you have what no school had in any time up till the present. I’ve read many many books on this especially John Taylor Gatto’s and John Holt’s. Here’s one bibliography online. I guess my family is trying to skip the “both parents in offices and kids in daycare” and just go straight to the “everyone working together at home” model. In some ways, that is a return to tradition, of course; an older tradition than the “dad at the office, mom in the kitchen or beauty parlor and kids at school” one.
Aidan is rolling colored duct tape across my floor . I don’t think I can concentrate enough to write out a proper conclusion. I just would say that I found going through the book carefully enough to write about it was really helpful. I can remember the details much better than I would if I hadn’t written about it, and if I get fuzzy on the details I can go back and look at my notes. I feel a lot better about this whole fatigue thing with a few coping devices in my toolbox. I guess that is part of the “taking control” thing she mentioned. It helped me stand back a bit and take stock of a few things that were going on in my life that I wasn’t being proactive about.

Being Tired

I haven't written in a while here, partly because we had a friend staying here and then went on a journey, so life has been busy. Also, I have been writing out a series of posts on the book Women and Fatigue. I found it on the dime rack of our library sale shelf and it was a timely find since I have been struggling with tiredness for some time and was ready to make some real changes in how I do things.

Here's the links to the posts I wrote. Taking notes as I read helped me internalize what I was reading. Certainly there is way too much to read there unless you are passionately interested in the subject but I'm putting it here as an easy reference.

Part One: Introduction
Part Two: Pyramid of Levels
Part Three: Diet and Exercise
Part Four: Substances, and Sleep
Part Five: Emotional Stress in Womens' Roles
Part Six: Losses and Grief
Part Seven: Working Conditions
Part Eight: Medical Conditions, and Epilogue

What does this have to do with unschooling? Hmm. I think I'm too tired now to make any connections, though several did come out when I was writing.

Here's one: I think that unschooling is partly about knowing yourself, your strengths and limits, and working realistically from there. Not surrendering to your dark side, but using your knowledge of your own characteristics to build good habits, not to simply fit into images pushed on you from outside. The book was written from a perspective different from mine in several ways, but I rather agree with the point the author made that a lot of female fatigue comes from the huge variety of expectations from society, combined with the fact that this is a period of transition. We struggle to do our best when "what is best" is somewhat unclear. I think the point is to operate from principles and priorities, not simply killing oneself to be perfect in every conceivable sphere from income-earning to homemaking to childrearing.

I fight against the feeling that I am being self-indulgent to work to manage my fatigue, but in fact being conscious of this issue actually helps me do better in keeping it under control, keeping it from making inroads on my life. When I acknowledged it, I could deal with it.

Ideally, I would think unschooling would have much the same goal. Hmm, I see that statement could use some development but I can't seem to get there right now. I spent the morning cleaning the pantry and garage and that seems to have exhausted my organizational abilities for now. Maybe Julie says it better and more positively (HT Amyable)

Remember: joy produces energy, energy produces invested work, invested work produces learning.

Speaking of being tired..... 3 year old version.

Tired? Women and Fatigue Part 7

For now, I’m going to skip over the next section which was about medical causes for fatigue, and go onto the section about work conditions, which is a little easier to tell about without checking the book for spelling and definition of medical words like endocrinal systems and pernicious anemia and so on.

The section on work conditions is the last one in the book and I found it quite helpful. It described the typical working conditions of many, obviously not all, women . Women who stay at home can experience fatigue associated with frequent lifting (small children, household objects, etc) and with other kinds of work to do with housework and childcare. They can also find themselves bored with the sameness and seeming unproductivity of their work. Boredom saps energy levels. The book made the point that labor-saving machinery in the home has made the housewife’s job easier but also more boring. There is no longer the pride and personal creativity that went into cooking and household crafts in the pre-electricity days. Having just returned from a visit to the house of a friend who works hard to bring the personal creativity back to her household management, this point struck me as a valid one. I do think homeschooling brings meaning back into the home environment at least in my case because I am more likely to learn a new craft or subject if it is one I think would benefit my children as well.

As to women in the workplace — the book says that women often end up in the kinds of jobs that either depend upon nurturing and the trade of emotions in some way —- nurse, teacher, day care provider, secretary, airplane hostess, waitress — or they have repetitious, narrow-focused jobs — in factories, the book says, women often get the more rigid, boring jobs since they are considered more capable of enduring this kind of work. I see no reason to disbelieve this since most of the working women I know have one or the other kind of job. Actually, probably the nurturing ones are most representative in my experience. I do also know lots of women doctors and professors and authors and small-business owners, who seem to fit into a different category than either of the ones dealt with in the book.
Anyway, here is the relevant part. Women in nurturing jobs have to pay emotional coin to some extent in return for the income. That is a drain especially in the cases where the situation becomes emotionally over-demanding. She talks about air hostesses but I will mention nursing, since I’ve been in so many hospitals. It is emotional to deal with sick people and their sometimes unfair and angry or grieving relatives. The nurses bear the biggest burden of emotional support whereas the doctors vary quite widely in their bedside manner; nurturing may be a bonus but is not an integral part of their job description. My friend who is a family therapist finds her work draining enough that she has left it temporarily to find more routine, less emotionally challenging employment, at least in the years when her daughter is small.

But routine, narrow-focused work comes at a price too because women who aren’t able to bring their whole selves to their work will be frustrated by that, which again is a fatigue-producer. The book makes some suggestions for balancing out the two aspects — avoiding or compensating for excessive emotional drain of the nurturing jobs, and finding ways to broaden restricted job descriptions and avoid career dead-ends. This was not of direct interest to me right now. The main message for me was to be conscious that a balance between variety and routine is the best way to feel satisfied in one’s work, and work at an optimum level of energy.

Also the idea of customizing one’s own life and environment, whether working at home or away from it. Not a new idea, but something to think about. She makes the point that sometimes developing a talent or interest can lead to an at-home source of income, which is very true. I know lots of women (and men) who have done it this way. I have another library sale book called Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow which I haven’t read yet, but it’s on this general topic and this does relate more than a bit to unschooling.

Return from the North

I haven’t been journalling much on here. Life has been so busy the past week or so, with a 14 hour round trip journey last week. I could go on and on just about all the events of that trip, but of course there’s not time. Then there were a couple of days of recovering. Today we are unpacked, laundry caught up, and I’m rested enough perhaps to stay up and write for a few minutes, though I just spend about half an hour longer than I meant to updating Aidan’s medical page and visiting other blogs.

This morning I got a call from a good friend who has recently moved and we had a looong conversation about all sorts of things. I guess we are both philosophical types because we spent the whole time discussing literature and ethical principles and how to live rightly and never even talked about the details of her move and settling in until the last 3 minutes. I know, it is hard to believe. I love that kind of conversation though. While talking I managed to make waffles for breakfast and go out on the porch to keep an eye on Aidan who has been spending the bulk of his waking hours loading the back of our Suburban. He just impresses me so much when he can work so long and hard for his goals which are, I suppose, to facilitate another 7 hour car trip in 100 degree plus heat with a barely functional air conditioner. He loved our adventure.

Sunday used to be the day when Liam called from college and now it is the day when Liam takes a break from programming for his dad — this means he makes himself a late breakfast and then:

1) We played classical guitar duets and then I started him on the next lesson in the book which is Noad’s Solo Guitar Playing, the one my dad taught me from and learned from himself. (I have a much older edition than the one I linked to).

2) He helped me with my Latin. We consulted and decided that he would tell me a story in Latin, I would transcribe it as he told it to me, and then I would try to translate it. So basically, good for both of us since he is composing in Latin and I’m having to listen and getting that multi-level reinforcement of listening, writing and reading it back.

3) We had our next story club meeting. Liam suggested we call it Society of the Moth since three of us have a moth in the story and Clare has agreed to let a moth have a Hitchcockian cameo appearance in her story. Liam read his story, then I read Kieron’s, then Clare read her new story, then I read some of Brendan’s old one. I didn’t have enough new in my story to contribute. Sean sat in too and Liam made the hot cocoa and tea. This is starting to be a Tradition.
4) About the movie: Clare and Liam decided to postpone the full-blown movie until next summer. Clare was getting bogged down in the scriptwriting and all the logistical details to work out like costumes, sets, memorizing parts etc. So instead she has written a short comedy script about a burglar. They are planning to use this as a way to have fun, practice with procedural details and gain some experience.

5) Brendan and Sean played with Bionicles most of the afternoon.

Have you ever noticed that an event like a journey or some variety in daily life can bring about a burst of creativity? Such seems to be the case here. The kids really enjoyed the trip (and Brendan enjoyed a quiet house with only his dad) and also are very glad to be home (and I think B’s a BIT glad we’re home, too)
I have been making some tentative plans and brainstorming ideas for the future, but it’s all sort of swirling around still in my mind. One of the projects highest on my list is to arrange all the books. A daunting task. We have shelves in little niches all over the house. How can I turn this into category and order? But I will start with the picture books which are currently in plastic boxes where no one can get to them. Bringing them out will no doubt be a strewing event too. And it will be ongoing, because there is no way this project will not take weeks and weeks.
Just one bookshelf — and there are dozens of them in the house — well, at least more than one dozen!

Tired? Women and Fatigue Part 6

The next section of the book was on dealing with losses of different types. Major life events such as illness, moves, job changes, death or parting with loved ones, and divorce bring with them stress, and stress and fatigue are strongly associated. Of course, this is natural and normal. But sometimes, we have a tendency to try to stuff down, deny, or get past our grief quickly, which turns out often to be counter-productive.

So the advice here is to do the “work” of grief. My best friend is a family therapist who has taught me a lot especially by example about how important it is to do that work and progress through the stages. I have to recognize that regularly in my life since I have a tendency to try to stuff down the grief of any kind of loss. Which is fine in the short run if that’s the best way to cope with the crisis — it’s just important to acknowledge that this isn’t all there is to it, that the work has just been postponed.

The book covered several kinds of loss: loss associated with aging, like illness or menopause; loss from personal events like divorce or disaster; and death or major illness of relatives. These losses involve not only the loss of the thing or person, but also a change in one’s identity or view of oneself or standing, which can be very demoralizing. If a person is still going through one of these things, it is natural to be fatigued of course, and the fatigue can be explained and managed. Fatigue can come after the fact, too, if the grieving process is not yet complete.

She points out that it is important to respect the fatigue — to make time for the grieving process, to maintain both intimate friendships and the wider circle of casual friendships. Both, she says, have been shown to be of importance to the grieving person. Networking and support groups can be very helpful and fortunately, in today’s world there are support groups for almost any specific kind of problem or concern.

In general, while the grieving “work” is going on, you need to treat it as work and allow time and energy and thought to spare on it, and not try to rush through it.

Sometimes, grief and loss can end up manifested as depression, or sometimes depression can come seemingly from nowhere. Chronic depression is similar in some way to the temporary and normal depression associated with grief, but it lasts longer and affects life in a more permanent way. There is a checklist in the book that asks about things like changes in appetite, sleep, suicidal thoughts, etc. Here’s a similar checklist online.

I tend to go through depressive cycles. I would consider them mild bouts of depression by what I’ve read of others, but still quite uncomfortable to me. Exercise has been highly recommended by several of you who comment on my blog, and so has cutting the caffeine. I’ve done the second and am planning how to accomplish the first. So thanks . Also cutting the sugar and chocolate though I’m not sure if anyone actually dared mention that one. I didn’t say eliminate, just cut. We’ll see how it goes. There’s probably a “taking control” aspect of modifying one’s habits that is invigorating in itself. But still, that’s a bonus even if it has a certain placebo aspect to it — mind you, I’m not saying it’s ONLY a placebo!

She says that depression can sometimes be gotten through with the help of one’s own support systems, but if it is too severe and unmanageable or continues for a long time, seeing a doctor is a very good idea. I don’t think she added this last part, but I would think that depression could indicate a medical problem. I have some friends with thyroid issues or who have experienced post partum depression, so their depressions are related to their hormonal imbalances.

Nature and interesting hobbies also help as remedies for depression, I hear!

Tired? Women and Fatigue Part 5

The next part of Women and Fatigue rather disappointed me. It was about fatigue stemming from emotional conflict and difficulties, so I was thinking that it would get to the “heart” of the matter. But instead it turned out to be a bit of a manifesto for feminism and a rant against our patriarchal system that ranks women as inferiors and forces them into a sort of ghetto where relationships and certain “feminine” standards are the measure of the woman’s self-respect.

This just does not ring with my life experience at all and so it was rather puzzling and unsatisfying to read. For instance, I didn’t have a background of being pushed into a “wife and mom” role — in fact, rather the opposite. I could see little grains of truth here and there. For instance, it rang true that it’s sometimes more difficult to feel validated by work that our society doesn’t validate (ie mothering and house management) and that can’t be easily measured in terms of money or prestige or concrete output. So I can see that this could lead to an energy drain which needs to be thoughtfully dealt with. But the book seemed to go further and say that this is a sign that this kind of work actually IS more marginal than a paid career. It argued that women in paid careers are happier and less fatigued than women who stay at home (which was questionable, to me, but if it were true it could be simply because it is counter-cultural). At the same time, the book also made the case that many women are forced to work. The effect was a bit patchy logically; it made me feel that the author was a bit wrapped up in a particular agenda because she seemed to be proclaiming the rueful necessity and desireability of a career in spite of and in cure of chronic fatigue.

The whole subject of how mothers can balance professional and home lives is a complex one. I personally think the whole idea of parents having to go away from their homes is a relatively new one in history; my husband and I both work at home though he is the primary breadwinner — we’ve allowed an income drop for the sake of this, because it’s a priority for us, but obviously others may have different solutions to the problem of making a family life “work” in today’s world). And we do presently exist on one rather meagre income even with seven children, one in college. So it can be done.
Anyway, I don’t doubt that it has an effect on women’s fatigue levels — the fatigue that comes from juggling several roles and often doing more than one’s share of the housework and parenting, and the fatigue that comes from isolation and the constant “on-task” nature of being the stay at home primary caretaker of children. The author says rightly that we are in a period of transition and transition times bring stresses and consequently fatigue. I just think she addressed this in too limited and scattered a fashion.

For this reason there wasn’t that much useful advice in there for me except an awareness that I ought to be aware of the energy losses that can come with ambivalence and/or emotional stress. There was wisdom too in the advice that it’s important for one’s energy level to take control of one’s life — to make conscious, mindful choices rather than feel or be pushed into things because of exterior pressures.
(Further reading: Moonshadow on The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars. The Learning Umbrella also has a review of the Mommy Wars book.)

We'll Be Back!

Tomorrow we are on the road, driving up north for a few days in our trusty old Suburban. So this blog will be quiet for a few days.

We’re ready!

Tired? Women and Fatigue Part 4

After diet and exercise, the book covers other areas of life that are more or less in a person’s control. Alcohol, drugs (OTC or prescribed), and cigarettes are discussed. I read quickly through this part because I don’t really use any of these on a regular basis, so I don’t think that’s where my tiredness comes from. I don’t smoke and I rarely take a medication — and when I do need an antihistamine, it’s pretty obvious the effect it has on my energy level, so I try to get off them as soon as possible. Oce in a while I have a malt cooler with my husband. It just isn’t something that’s a dependency for me. Wish it was that easy with regards to chocolate and coffee.

The author did make some points about giving up cigarettes that rang true with regards to caffeine and sugar — namely, that you will feel worse before you feel better when you have quit. Also, that you can quit more than once without being an utter failure. Sometimes it takes several tries to accomplish the quitting for good, and those tries aren’t worthless. Hmm, that is rather reassuring. And it makes sense because there are a few areas in my life where I really have changed for the better over the very, very loong run.
Last of all is the section on sleep. Sleep problems are common among Americans nowadays — both quantity and quality of sleep. People who have to work the swing shift are often exhausted even after they’ve had time to adjust, which shows that we have natural biorhythms centered around the sun. People with health problems may have sleeping difficulties, which in turn debilitates them further since sleep is a necessary physical and mental restorative. And of course, the same is true of people with emotional difficulties — if they lose sleep it will make their emotional reactions more intense. I certainly have had my experiences with this kind of vicious cycle; and of course, with seven children, interrupted sleep is a regular feature in my life through the past 20 years.

I happen to be blessed with my father’s talent for napping whenever I have a spare 10 minutes, wherever I happen to be. (He is a physician and found this to be a great blessing during his practicing years). So in my case it’s usually quality rather than quantity of sleep that’s an issue. Unfortunately, I seem to need a LOT of sleep — 8 hours plus. When I short on this, I regret it. I try not to short. But I really wish my life weren’t so dominated by the longing to sleep.

This whole section was called “Change your Lifestyle.” After reading it, I think the first thing to do is to focus more on being in touch with how and when I eat, sleep and move. The next section is called “Ease Your Strains” and is about the physical and emotional conflicts in a woman’s life.

Unschooling and Planning

Can you be an unschooler and still plan?

A recurrent question of mine.

I realize that while my more structured homeschooling sometimes burned me out and didn’t leave a lot of room for organic learning, it still gave me something to work on, something that felt productive to me. At the end of the day I could say: X child did Y, I did W and Z, and so on. This is something I seem to need to feel motivated to keep going.
Home management is useful and necessary but it isn’t really productive — most of the results, sadly, are gone in a few hours or a day. Even the projects like decluttering aren’t really what I’d call meaningful. They are means to an end — more streamlined living and better use of resources — but in themselves, they won’t matter in a year or a century.

Mothering is useful and necessary, too, and there are various parallels with house management, but of course it goes further into the relationship sphere. Take friendships or marital relationships. They require interpersonal skills, time and creativity and flexibility, but they aren’t strictly “productive” — the benefits accumulate over time. Mothering is like that.

Then there are outside missions or vocations/ avocations. I do a little here and there on that front, both paid and volunteer basis, but nothing very systematic or that I can point to and say unequivocally: “There! I did something!” It’s all sort of minor and sporadic. And if I increased my commitment to outside activities, I think I would shortchange my family. That may change when I only have one or two older kids at home, but with a whole crew including a nursing preschooler and a medically fragile youngster, I think I need to devote my best energy to the home front.
So I guess my structured homeschooling fit a niche in my life and now I need to find a way to do this in a more unschooling framework. Record-keeping, like I’m doing on this blog, is something. But I think I need to have some kinds of plans and goals to feel like I’m actually, possibly, getting somewhere instead of spinning my wheels.

Can you plan and still unschool?

JoVE at Tricotomania has two posts up about “Curriculum Planning” for:

English and Math

I like the way she looks at her daughter and then looks for something that will suit her learning style, personality, AND the goals she has for her.

Faith at Dumb Ox Academy is thinking of each child one by one, setting goals and rounding up resources: so far she has considered

• Josh
• William

Theresa at Lapaz Farm Home Learning is planning for her ten year old and I am thinking my Kieron would like an approach something like this.

I am going to be on the look-out for more of this kind of planning posts — I know I’ve found others that I’m not remembering now.

Here’s another list of goals from A Room of My Own.

Sense and Sensibility

This was pretty much a typical day except that we did our weekly cleaning since Aidan’s case manager from the regional center was to come here today. The meeting went fine, nothing really new except the possibility of another psychological evaluation in the fall. Right now they have him written down as MMR (mildly mentally retarded) but with a provisional aspect because he was only 3 at the time with motor delays and it was difficult obviously to make an accurate diagnosis on that basis.

Clare convinced me to watch Sense and Sensibility with her. The little ones seem to have a mission based on the earnest desire to keep me from sitting down for more than 20 minutes at a time. So I missed some parts, but it was fun.

The movie seems like a good one to watch with a teenager. (Sean watched it too) It’s so clear that deep emotion is a good thing, but unrestrained emotion can be hurtful to everyone around. And the dresses and scenery are spectacular, and the music is beautiful too. Sean could care less about that part of it, but he really likes the funny parts.
Clare has been busy this week while her friend is gone. She sewed a dress. Or rather, a skirt and top. She taped High Society songs so we could take them in the car. She listened to many, many old songs — Glenn Miller Band, Judy Garland, Bing Crosby. She played the piano: Clementi and the Patrick Doyle music for Sense and Sensibility. She discussed philosophy with me. She read lots of old Envoy magazines.

She danced and convinced one of her brothers to dance with her:

She played with her little brothers.

Yes, he has a blue tongue. Kool-Aid anyone?

Tired? Women and Fatigue Part 3

The next section of the book Women and Fatigue is about isolating the reasons for the symptoms of fatigue. There are 15 short questionnaires asking about diet, exercise, job stress, physical aspects of job, quality of sleep, conflicts and stress in home life, mood, and various health-related habits like smoking, drinking, drug use.

After doing these questionnaires, I see that in almost all of the areas, I fall into the mild to moderate fatigue category. With physical and other job aspects, I have it easy compared to lots of people. I work at home and so most of my occupational stresses fall under the emotional conflict category — juggling too much, worrying about future, etc. I was surprised that I was really high, or low, on the “mood” questionnaire. Almost all the questions were a yes, which puts me rather squarely in a depressive category. So which comes first, the fatigue or the low mood? I think when I’m more rested, I will feel better mood-wise — at least, I hope so!
Anyway, two areas that are under my control in theory at least are diet and exercise. And those are the first two that the book covers in detail. The nutrition section is pretty conventional — avoid fats and simple sugars, eat complex carbs, don’t diet or binge. I know all that, yet…! I run for a bottled frappucino or a handful of M&Ms when that deadly afternoon crash comes. That’s definitely an area where I could improve.

And exercise….. it’s really, really, really hard to justify setting aside the time for exercise. I don’t enjoy it and it is something I have to set aside time for, which is difficult. I’d much rather take the book’s advice about bubble baths, or afternoon naps, or setting aside time for a hobby. Maybe I can get my teenage daughter in on this. She’d really like to see me taking better care of myself. And think of the example I’m setting whether for good or evil!!

The book makes the case that exercise really increases energy level and that fitness is at least a partial antidote to fatigue. Well, OK….

Me — pic taken by my daughter — and yes, that is my normal posture. I was shocked to notice it. I am starting to look a bit like my dad, but at least, no balding yet!

Managing Life

I woke up early, planning for some reason.

I think one of the reasons for my tiredness MAY be lack of routine in the day. Just a theory — but I’ve noticed in the past that when I have no way of measuring my energy output or pacing out the workload, the drain accumulates faster. I have a very loose schedule that’s evolved organically, but it is rather minimal and doesn’t leave me feeling productive.

I’d like to have a flexible but constructive routine. A tall order? perhaps? but something to work for.

All last year while I deschooled I read home organization and psychology books. I found an organization system that has been really solid and works as long as I do, which of course is the big conditional part of any system.

Anyway, here are some of the things I wanted to carve out time for:

• Reading out loud
• Art /drawing time
• Nature study time
• Game times.
• Occasional field trips.
• Short term lessons or learning experiences.
• Community involvement/friends.

There are probably more; I plan to make a page eventually. You can see how some of these might be daily, some weekly, some monthly or seasonal. So I could color-code them like I do my housework chores. Purple ones could be personal, like:

• Story-writing
• Latin
• Researching
• Other writing.

Anyway, I think I will start making a list of things and add to it as I come across new ideas that I’d love to incorporate.

Circle of Days

Speaking of home management, Melissa at The Lilting House has a series of posts on Mom-Planners. Her most recent post describes the Circle of Days planner by Small Meadow Press (look in the All in Order category of Lesley's Shop section, or you can see some views here ). It looks like a beautiful concept which would fit in well with the index card system I seem to do best with. And it is pretty and simple, too. How inspiring! I think my daughter might like some of the nice old-fashioned things on Lesley's site (that's a pic of my daughter's bookshelf in my home management post, by the way)

I even love that name: Circle of Days!
Oh, and she has a blog too: see The Bower

Tired? Women and Fatigue Part 2

This part of the book is about different layers in the whole system from which fatigue can originate. The author lists 5 levels: sub-cellular, cellular, organ systems, body, and person. For example, one woman she mentioned had a mild, incurable form of anemia caused by thalassemia. The origin of this is a genetic, sub-cellular defect. Knowing this, the woman had developed successful strategies to continue a rigorous working schedule. Some tips: light exercise at intervals, hiring a cleaning woman to do some of the housework, chatting with a friend occasionally over wine.

Another woman had 8 children and recommended brief naps during the day whenever rest was possible, especially when pregnancy is putting a load on the system. Another woman was facing emotional stresses, and had to get rid of some of the things that were stressing her out at the personal level.

THe author is getting into the concept of stress. Stressors are things that put a drain on the system at any of the above-described levels. Stress is the actual effect these things have on the person. Some people seem to be have a greater capacity for stress than others. It is speculated that we each are given a certain allowance for a lifetime and when we reach the overload point, it has consequences on our whole systems. FOr example, a woman who is juggling career, aging parents and small children may suddenly get ill out of sheer exhaustion.

Stress has 3 levels: the original alarm, then resistance, then incipient exhaustion. Even “good stressors” like a new baby, marriage, vacation can put a tax on the system.

The author writes that she used to be constantly fatigued but by taking charge of it and giving herself energy restorers, she was able to get so that she was productive and rarely felt fatigue. This would be my goal. Some energy boosters are: nutrition, good sleep, exercise, pleasure, mastery.

My Management Systems

Lists

New Year 2006

Daily 1-2-3

Monthly Jobs

Seasonal Checklist

Focus by Day

Kids Weekly Jobs

Inspiration

I made these lists last year and they still seem to be working for me with minor adjustments. I have all the jobs written on index cards in different colors. Yellow is daily, blue weekly, green monthly and pink is seasonal. The basic idea comes from Sidetracked Home Executives.

These books worked better for me than anything else I've tried so far, even Flylady. Though I've benefited from some bits and pieces from Large Family Logistics and from Motivated Moms, SHE seems to fit my style the best. I seem to need a big picture view and lots of simplicity and structure combined for the daily details. The cards seem to suit my visual/kinesthetic side better than lists, though I hardly need to actually look at the cards any more.

This summer I would like to organize my books and try to figure out a simple routine for homeschooling. Not so much a schedule for my kids as one for me, to allow me to bring in ideas and plans within a fairly predictable framework.

Tired? Women and Fatigue

Yesterday afternoon I had an attack of acute …. fatigue. I know that sounds a bit of an oxymoron, like the Monty Python killer rabbit. But it was real, and it scared me a bit because it was so extreme and it didn’t seem directly caused by anything. I am always low -energy on the scale of things, but this felt worse than that.

Anyway, that made me realize how this tiredness has been creeping up on me over time. It hits hardest in the afternoons, as it always has, but it’s harder to deal with nowadays. I have gained weight too and even in the better times of the day, I sometimes struggle just to get the next thing done, let alone actually do all the projects I’d like to do. I sort of doubt it has a physical cause, though I’ve looked up hypothyroidism and CFS. Well, we’ll see. Anyway, the scare I got gave me a boost to start researching and trying to manage this a bit more proactively, instead of just brushing it aside or accusing myself of being lazy, or grabbing another cup of coffee or some carbs reflexively for an energy boost!

Today at the library I fortuitously found this book Women and Fatigue on the sale rack for a dime. It looks like a sensible, well thought out book by a medical journalist. Anyway, I’m going to read it and write out my notes on it as I go.

First, the author makes the point that fatigue is real and affects lots of American women even though in some ways our lives are easier than that of our forebears. Some of the reasons are: poor diet, complexity of lives (multiple roles, for instance), poor habits, overwork, and physical conditions. She says that mind and body are united, not two separate and distinct things as we have tended to think since Enlightenment times. Mental fatigue affects the body and vice versa, so just because there is no physical cause for fatigue doesn’t mean that it’s “all in your head” or you should just “get over it”. No matter what the origin of the tiredness, it needs to be addressed and managed.
She describes how energy tends to go in cycles for most people, especially women. We have daily biorhythms that influence our energy supplies, and monthly rhythms, and then various lifetime changes like pregnancy and menopause that also cause hormonal fluctuations. She suggests keeping a log on a daily index card that lists times of day, mood, and also what time of the monthly cycle it is.

I think I will try that or at least the Plan B from Outer Space version, which would be — write it down when I especially notice something out of the common way — huge drain like yesterday, or unusually vital time. Then try to list context — what else was going on in the time frame that might have influenced it.

Sounds a bit navel-gazing, perhaps, but I really want to get hold of this problem and address it. Right now, I think the frustration of not getting done what I want to is actually increasing the fatigue.

Family and the Homeschool

This is based on an article I wrote for a Catholic homeschool newsletter.

When we started homeschooling our children, it was largely for family reasons. My older children briefly attended a Catholic school, but we found that the school schedule consumed almost every hour of the day. My fourth child had to spend some time in the hospital after birth and was a high-needs infant, and it was very difficult to be an involved school mom for the older ones as well as a nurturing mom for the little one. Homeschooling came to seem like a way of centering our family again, and indeed, that turned out to be the case.

As a beginning homeschooler, I felt very inexperienced and anxious about my ability to educate my children. I remember kneeling in front of our home altar and begging Our Blessed Mother to be the heart of our home and to make up for my inevitable lapses, and to give me her motherly counsel and wisdom. Many times, I have been grateful for her intercession. There were struggles, but in the context of our growth in faith the struggles have helped us, in our late Pope's words, "Become who we are" as a family.

It was family reasons, as well, that brought us to Kolbe Academy about a year after we started homeschooling. We found the scope and sequence reflected what we would want for our children, particularly the integrated great books courses in the high school years. Also, the philosophy about the sovereignty of the family spoke to our beliefs. Pope Paul IV spoke for the Church on this: "Parents who have the primary and inalienable right and duty to educate their children must enjoy true liberty in their choice of schools." The principle that the parents are the primary educators and that the school's role is to support their efforts rather than displace them has been very influential in the way we have brought up our children.

The Holy Family is the role model for Christian families. Our Lord grew to adulthood within His Family, and His first public act in His teaching mission was to do a favor for His mother, in support of a newlywed couple, when He changed water into wine at their wedding. His childhood in a loving, responsive home environment was an example of the conditions under which all children best thrive and "grow in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men."

It is increasingly understood by psychologists of modern times that the sense of trust and safety and concern for others that grows naturally in a family relationship is nearly irreplaceable. This echoes what the Church has always taught. Furthermore, without this inbuilt sense of trust, safety, and commitment, it is almost impossible to learn effectively. A human being's hunger for attachment and security is almost as fundamental as the desire for food, water and sleep. In some ways more so, since children deprived of opportunities to attach to a caretaker (for example, in orphanages or hospitals) often fail to thrive and sometimes literally starve for lack of emotional contact.

Our society ignores this truth by sending children out to educational institutions at increasingly young ages. This is perhaps part of the reason that homeschooled children tend to do quite well academically, socially and morally in comparison to their peers in public schools, even though their education is usually much less expensive and time-consuming. When public schooling is successful, it is usually when the family ties are strong and solid or where the children have found a replacement parent figure to become attached to. (cf Becoming an Adult)

Homeschooling families have time and opportunity to build strong family relationships, which is the main factor in academic success whether a child is homeschooled or not. Praying, working, talking, eating, and reading together are all ways to build close ties. Playing games, going places together, or learning about a new subject are also relationship builders. These things are a large part of our homeschooling foundation, and worth the time and effort spent. The formal academics are like the visible tip of the iceberg; but a lot of what goes on in the daily life of a family is like the mostly invisible bulk of the iceberg which stabilizes and raises up the visible part.

One very valuable thing to do as a Catholic homeschooling family is the annual home retreat. Praying and reflecting on your family's unique charisms, purpose and mission can help you see, through God's grace, what has helped strengthen your family in the past and where you are going in the future. Pray to invoke the gifts bestowed by the Holy Spirit when you and your children were confirmed, and pray to better employ the unique graces of your matrimonial sacrament. Ask for the Holy Family's intercession for your family. "Seek first the kingdom of God, and all the rest will be added unto you." This Scripture applies to education, as well.

Resources for Retreats

Do it At Home Retreat
The Way to Christ: Spiritual Exercises (John Paul II)
My Path to Heaven (Ignatian retreat for children)
Retreat With the Lord by Fr John Hardon
I Believe in Love
Mission of the Catholic Family

Books about Importance of Family Relationships

Family Matters: Why Homeschooling Makes Sense
Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers
Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness
The Hurried Child: Growing up too Fast too Soon

Online Spiritual Resources:

Novena to Holy Spirit
Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius
Introduction to the Devout Life
Father Hardon Archives

Related Reading:

Moonshadows has an interesting series on the book Hyper-Parenting, -- I haven't read the book yet but her comments are fascinating:
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Part Ten

Teens and Dragons and Other Scary Things

Monday is our traditional cleaning day since I take Sunday off from cleaning and it doesn’t take long for the place to get trashed. So today we worked most of the morning. I caught up on phone calls and found that Aidan’s recent bloodwork came through fine, hooray, that means he doesn’t have to get labs again until the beginning of August. These little things add up!
I took Aidan outside and worked on the garage, sweeping and then Pine-sol mopping the back of the garage to get ready for the new fridge and freezer to be delivered today — Kevin had already cleared out all the big things in the way including the old freezer.

Then I sat out on the porch and read Orthodoxy and took notes.

Brendan, Sean and Kieron played Legos and ordered some more with birthday money they had saved up.

The dryer appears to be broken so there are wet clothes hanging from the railings of the loft.

I made a Chinese chicken salad for dinner and cut up the mini seedless watermelon Kevin bought yesterday when we were in town. It was a nice meal. We have just started eating family dinners together since we got the new dishwasher. It really encourages me to lay out a more healthy selection of food. Not that we don’t still have a looong way to go on that front. The book I read, Mother Styles, comforted me a little bit about that. I guess intuitive moms don’t tend to think of creature comforts and material advantages when they think of how to love their kids — they tend to think in more big picture terms. I remember how guilty I used to feel because my very good friend B, who was then childless, would come over and bathe my babies for me and seem to actually enjoy the practical details like powdering and clipping nails, while I couldn’t wait to rush through the ritual and get it over with. Anyway …. the point is that when I think of nurturing, I don’t immediately think of attractive, healthy food nicely prepared. It is a stretch for me — I have to get there by the intuitive by-road. But knowing that, there’s some hope I’m not just a deadbeat of a mom.

Yesterday evening, Clare wanted me to watch High Society with her — I think she was missing her friend who we dropped off at the university after going to a Tridentine Mass together in town. I sat and watched and ate oriental food and had a blue hawaii wine cooler. Luxury! See, I’m trying to get in touch with my sensory side.

And today I played ping-pong with Liam and then watched him and Sean play.

I am seeing that this purportedly homeschool journal seldom has anything specifically educational in it. One reason is that I’ve simply ditched all the curriculum, at least for the summer. But I would like to get more into the “learning” aspect of all these daily details. Sometimes though it’s difficult to weed through all the daily events of 7 children (counting the 2 graduates) and figure out what’s most relevant.

Maybe I should just focus on one or two:

Aidan played on the V Tech cash register for quite a while, and discovered several “A’s” in different places on the Suburban. He also managed to load his stroller into the back of the Suburban by himself. Was he proud! Everyone had to come out and look.

Kieron built his Lego, which was a Nidhogg dragon. He told me they are usually brown, not black and red. I asked where he had heard about them before and he said “From Age of Mythology!” So sure enough, here is one. I guess that counts as an unschooling moment!

I often notice that if I write about one day, not much seems to be happening, except life. But over the long run, it does add up. I wrote about that in this thread on 4reallearning.

Sean, 13, is going through a strange stage. I think he needs more challenge than he is getting. He alternates between teasing his younger brother, talking to his older one, worrying about things that seem minor to me, and pushing limits. Then he also wants to know about everything I’m doing or asks me about every conversation he overhears. It reminds me a bit of when he was 2 and 3 and driving me crazy, honestly. Every teen seems to have their own spin on teenagerdom. It’s not like he’s being rebellious or out of control — just strange and sometimes, hilariously funny, but… strange. I am too old for this and just think, I’ll be ten years older still when Paddy goes through this stage. Fun!

Strange but sort of funny

Maybe it isn’t permanent?

A Ten Year Old's Summer

Kieron took this picture of a lizard:

and this picture too, at the request of his sister
–wow, looks like he’s been studying impressionist painters:

Here’s the photographer himself taking a break:

And here he’s hiding from the spray hose:

Posted in Nature, Living and learning | No Comments

Unschooling Voices #1

is out!

Lots Going On, Little Time to Write

The past few days have been so busy I’ve hardly had time to sit down at the computer. My daughter’s dear friend has been visiting for the past few days and life has been full!

A short itinerary since otherwise I am bound to forget most of it:

Tuesday evening, we picked her up at the Amtrak station.

Wednesday, their big plan was a picnic. They have been working out the details for months. They dressed up in their most feminine, old-fashioned clothes, packed a basket with tea and dainty things to eat and little teacups and saucers, and co-opted a cooperative 10 year old Kieron to take some photos.

Thursday, we went up to grandma’s lake near the summit — spectacular and quiet since their part of the beach is private. I took the little boys to the dock so they could splash around in the water. The girls sat by a different part of the lake and sang, according to all reports. The older boys played darts and pingpong and chess.

That evening, a bunch of old books arrived from ABEbooks. We had fun looking through them and having literary discussions. The “What are you reading and what do you think of it?” kind that occur when “real learning” families get together.
Then after dinner, we had our Story Club meeting previously mentioned. After that we talked about story writing. Then we said a decade of the Rosary together and then watched the movie made by the TAC students called Supaseo, which had arrived in the mail. It was so much fun! but unfortunately, the DVD was damaged so it kept cutting off and finally died, so we’ll have to order another one before we can watch the last few minutes. However, along with the story club and the afternoon by the lake it made for a great creative day.

Friday, we went to the homeschool Stations of the Cross and then the girls had planned to go into town and go fabric shopping. We went to Wal-Mart, then Michael’s, then Joann. Whew! Especially since it was 104 degrees and our airconditioning is dying in the car. I also picked up Aidan’s meds at the pharmacy and got Kieron his free personal pizza from the library reading coupon. That made all that fabric shopping barely tolerable for him, anyway.

Today, Saturday, Clare had her violin lesson and we met her teacher’s very appealing mother who was there on a visit — she was one of those elderly people who make you feel they are bestowing a blessing on you as they talk to you. I would like to be like that.

Now Clare is happily sewing, and her friend is not-so-happily preparing faux legislation for her Girls State congress next week. Tonight Kevin may take them to the fireworks by the lake.
I have been spending a good part of the days outside with Aidan and the other kids. I hope to keep doing this. I bought them squirt guns the other day to encourage them to keep active outside.

Tomorrow, Sunday, we will be going to the Tridentine Mass in town and then take Clare’s friend to her political camp– sigh. We will really miss her! It has been a delight to be a leetle less outnumbered than Clare and I usually are –our norm is a ratio of 7:2, not even counting the pets who are both males as well. A little extra feminine influence goes a long way and this is particularly the case with this friend of Clare’s. Yesterday the girls put on swing music and danced out on the deck, and even got Kieron and Paddy to join in. Now they want to teach Liam so that when he goes back to college he can go the dances — yeah, right!

Clare and Paddy swing-dancing